Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic
azurelunatic

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Why I Didn't Celebrate Lammas With Darkside This Morning

I was cheerful/happy/rushing out of house when I noticed that my instant messenger had a message from Dave.

We sat down and had a long talk.

Dave made it perfectly plain to me that I was not going to be able to get away with evading a real-life relationship in favor of an online one.

If Darkside makes a move on me, Dave says, he expects me to go with Darkside. Darkside is local. He's already won. Dave says it sounds like Darkside will be making a move very, very soon.

It's very very nice that Dave, though he does care a lot about me, wants me to be happy and be with Darkside. ...the trouble is, what if I don't want to give Dave up, even for Darkside?

I went through this last time, dammit. When I first got engaged to BJ, I continued to see River, with both BJ and River knowing what was going on, until River got uncomfortable and collared BJ alone and told him to rein in his woman.

While dating River, I knew that if I ever dated BJ, it would be only because I had a stable relationship that would hold me together while I dated him. (BJ is not good for my mental state.) But what happened?

On March 14, 2000, near midnight, I suddenly realized that if I did not kiss BJ right then, I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

I had to kiss BJ so that he could drag me with him to Arizona, where I would go to DeVry and get my life back together.

I didn't know that then, of course.

When I last did a reading on the situation...

I dealt the cards out. I wrote down, in my hardcopy book, the first two cards. I wrote down in this journal. Same outcome for each guy.

I've got Econ in a few minutes. I think I have to go make an appearance to say hi to Darkside, maybe get a hug.
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