Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic


As I walked home from work today [Saturday], a car pulled up and swooped into the turn-in to the bank near the apartment complex. It was Sis and her mother and Nephew in her mother's car.

"Hey, want a ride?"

The pilgrimage was going forth to find Sis a bed.

Apparently this [Saturday] morning Sis had woken up with a premonition: the bed that she, Nephew, Dude, and Chick all shared (she and Nephew on the bottom bunk; Dude and Chick snuggled into the top) was not only creaky and spiky and prone to stabbing people, but flagrantly unsafe and unfit to be slept in lest it collapse and kill or injure everyone.

We got completely lost in attempting to find the place we were looking for that sold beds, but she finally located a Room Store and a nice sturdy bunkbed.

Some banana split mishaps later, we (Dude, Chick, Sis, and I) are setting to take apart the old unsafe bed.

"Phillips!" Dude demands, holding out his hand as if for a medical tool.

"Where's the toolkit?"


The toolkit was located, and Sis started in with the screwdriver.

"Here, give me," Dude said, and grabbed the screwdriver. "I'm good at disassembling things," he said. "Back in Oak Harbor drama, the guys always did the disassembling."

"Dis-a-sem-ble! Dis-a-sem-ble!" Chick, Sis, and I chanted.

"What you doing?" Nephew wanted to know.

"Taking apart the bed, honey. You've got to go watch your movie out in the living room."

"I'm on it!" cried Sis, and dove out into the living room for the power switch on the TV.

"OK, Nephew, your movie's going to be out there now," I said. "On three, one, two, three!" and I flipped the VCR switch and shut off the bedroom TV set.

Nephew scrambled out of the room and lay down on the couch.

"You know, maybe we'd better get the mattresses off," Chick commented.

"Good idea," Sis said.

I scrammed to my room, as it became apparent that there were too many people and too many sharp and heavy objects in the room. I watched from the sanctuary of e-mail check and friends list reading the complete confusion as two rather large mattresses were carried out of the room by three people, and bedding was heaped after it.

Nephew settled down to watch his movie on top of the bed-heap.

I heard giggling from the room, and some shrieking, and Sis wondering at the top of her lungs where she'd put the rope. When I came in, one of the little barriers on the top of the top bunk of the bed designed to keep the mattress in was squashed down flat. Dude was hammering at the screws holding the other one in place with my beloved Phillips screwdriver. (!!!) I said.

Okay, okay, okay, he said, and he got up on the top of the bed and sat up and down on it with great vigor until the other half folded as well. "The screw was stripped," he explained.

Chick, Sis, and I held the pieces of the bed up while Dude wielded the screwdriver and we all made creative noises. Sis shut the bedroom door so Nephew wouldn't hear what we were saying.

"Armageddon!" somebody said, so of course we had to play the "Armageddon gerbil" sound file. It got put on repeat.

Sis and I carried the pieces of the bed out to the dumpster. "No, keep that one! I want to use it as a shield!" Dude said.

In the dismantling, it was found that of the sixteen major structural screws that held the end pieces of the bed to the middle pieces, only eight of them were doing their job.

"This bed is possessed," Sis said, and proceeded to gather all the screws from the bed, and the piece of the bed Dude wanted to keep for construction purposes, and put them on the living room altar. "I've got to exorcise this first, if you want to keep it," she said.

We took apart the rest of the bed, singing raucous drinking songs and making bad jokes. "Wanna screw?" I asked Chick, holding out a piece of bed.

General laughter.

The new bed will arrive Monday between one and five in the afternoon.
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