Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

Love, sex, infatuation, obsession, and insomnia.

I'm still awake. Couldn't get to sleep.

Confused is me.

She's hot. She's so hot. And she's nice, and she's sweet, and she's a lot of fun to hang around with and just be silly together.

It punched me in the stomach when I thought, even for a few minutes, that she was going to be exclusive with somebody else. I have no claim to be jealous. I know that. I'm dating someone, and I have an excellently delightful beloved best friend. But I'm longing in the wrong directions.

I don't know if it could work, and I'm too scared and too shy to ask. I doubt I've earned the right for that. Casual fun when the planets align correctly and Eris decrees it a holiday is one thing; it's a Perfect Love & Perfect Trust thing. Asking for something more than that, in my current situation, is something I doubt I've earned...

Stuff comes up, and people's lives get busy. Just that there's an undercurrent of worry, now... did I say something wrong? Did I come on too strong? Am I really a freak who's to be perpetually lonely? I drive people away, once I get to know them too well. Has that happened? Will that happen?

Am I worrying over nothing?

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