Confused is me.
She's hot. She's so hot. And she's nice, and she's sweet, and she's a lot of fun to hang around with and just be silly together.
It punched me in the stomach when I thought, even for a few minutes, that she was going to be exclusive with somebody else. I have no claim to be jealous. I know that. I'm dating someone, and I have an excellently delightful beloved best friend. But I'm longing in the wrong directions.
I don't know if it could work, and I'm too scared and too shy to ask. I doubt I've earned the right for that. Casual fun when the planets align correctly and Eris decrees it a holiday is one thing; it's a Perfect Love & Perfect Trust thing. Asking for something more than that, in my current situation, is something I doubt I've earned...
Stuff comes up, and people's lives get busy. Just that there's an undercurrent of worry, now... did I say something wrong? Did I come on too strong? Am I really a freak who's to be perpetually lonely? I drive people away, once I get to know them too well. Has that happened? Will that happen?
Am I worrying over nothing?