Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

not entirely sober

because i'm really afraid about my dad

[this is a panicked drunken entry; genunie concern but a little premature to panic.]

a little bit of congestive heart failture. my mom's email hit me in the middle of the visual basic class, and it didn't catch up with me that tha't s what she was saying until this evening when i was helping Neighbor clean out his aparmtment that the roommates from fuckwit trashed for him.

so i panicked basically.

and i think i'm going to take a short trip back to alaska and say hello and tell him that he can't die until he sees his youngest grandkid's tenth birthday.

and i'm not havking kids for a t least a nother five years.

and so sis and neighbor and alan decided that what i needed was chocolate milk with irish cream in it.

so that's what they gav e me.

and now i'm not snentirely sober.

and I really ought to do beable to do more than just smile in darksides's general direction. but i'm mnso not sober, they tell me, though i feel just a teeny bit disconeected, but honestly i feel as if i could focus and do that focus thing and be all ok.

they were laughing at the drunk thing. wtf's with that ?

but yeah, I guess i would be funny.

they should have breathalyzers online. not like I was oiulg dg o around and piss pepole of ffo for fun onlkine when drunk, but still. like this is my ebest wet writings. yeah. anyway, that wet should not be in there, but it's all I can do to touch tyhpe; the deliet key is beyon d me at the moment. see all the stxtra spaces and shit in there?

but anyway.

i miss ou, dave. gods.

anyway. (dreamsofsettlingdowngettingmarriedandgrandkidsformydadlikehealwayswanted)

slappsed myself about shawn not quite sure why oh yes.
the depression. the goddamn despression, it was the mention of pulp fiction that did it, i was drunk and pissed off and not drunk then but is hould bhave been and i wasnted to die, i wanted to die, and the only way to not die is to slap myself .

so i did.

they wante dto know what was wrong. i had to spell it out for them. the y don'd tre ad finger sign so i had to draw it in the air using the Force to help me. Sis read it of course after the first two leteters. shawn. yhes, it was shawn. fuckwit.

my father may be dying .

i want my family to meet my parents.

i want [sis] to meet m yf ather before it's too late.

it's like i've found a family with them. like it's going to be lifetime, like we're going to deal with elementary school and middle school and high school and college with nephew together as a family.

and i want them to meet my father.
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