Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

anyway, the point is...

I could fall in love with this Dave guy, the one who's headed to Germany, so bloody easily. I could fall in love with the One Gentleman in Arizona (again) so easily too, though so far I've been resisting and (wonder of wonders) keeping my hands mostly off him. (I know he appreciates that...I hope he appreciates how difficult it is to not have physical contact with him, the friendly stuff that glues my mind together ... I'm a physical person and I need to touch people, and right now I only have one person who I may always hug. That's not quite enough.)

I have too many guys I'm going after, that's what. I thought I'd left that behind in high school. I am to hope that when I start growing up I won't chase after guys in this generally shameless way, but who am I to hope that?

My dream was always to settle down with one special someone, but the current most likely candidate for the position is unlikely, for a variety of reasons, to fill it. I don't have enough patience, is my problem.

It's not about sex, though sex is great and great fun. It's about having someone whose hand I can touch, and they'll look back at me, and we'll hold hands and continue with whatever we were doing before.

I don't think my friend the local gentleman is The One, if there even is such a thing. One of my dearest friends and most trusted advisors said that there was no destiny but that which we made for ourSelves, so if I wanted something, I'd better grab it and fast, and remain true to my vision of it and *make* it so.

Above all other things, though, I shall not make my friend more uncomfortable than I have already made him.

I could not bear to lose him.
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