Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

Silly girl.

You know who is allowed to second-guess you.

You know who is allowed to second-guess you about your own knowledge of yourself.

The first category includes a lot of people. The second category includes Darkside and your priestess-confessor. Why those two?

Because out of everyone in the world, so far those two have demonstrated to know you so well that either they guess right and you can feel it gut-deep, they know and you can feel it, or they're wrong, and you know that too, and you can tell them.

They do not pose to you questions that have you doubting your senses and the validity of them. They have mastered the trick of questioning your interpretations without ever casting doubt upon your own mastery of your own senses. They know that your senses will never feed you false data, and they make sure you know that you know this.

They trust you to let them know when they're right and when they're very wrong. This way, they can make the judgements that you lack the perspective to make.

For me to mistrust my senses will make me crazy. I must trust that they feed me true data when they are worthy of that trust and I know it; I must hold them at their worth in ambiguous situations. I do not expect my eyes to give me true color at midnight wearing sunglasses. I do not expect my bare eyes to give me true focus. I do not expect my brain to give me the true order of the letters on the first glance. I do not expect the sudden scent of marshmellows or Darkside's uniform to mean that someone is making s'mores ten feet away or my beloved best friend is standing upwind of me; my nose is known to hallucinate both of those things on occasion.

I know the limits of my own senses. I know where I am likely to be fooling myself. I know that I can take anything I am concerned with to Darkside or iroshi, and they will hammer my head on straight if need be. I know that neither of them will mince words if I really truly do need to hear something.

I know that neither of them would ever harm me, even though both of them have done stuff that has stung and smarted for a while.

They know how to not make me doubt myself. They know how to correct my perceptions. They can help me see my blind spots, and if I persist in not seeing them, they will firmly point them out to me, without making me doubt that I see other objects in my rearview mirrors that they have not noticed...

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