Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic
azurelunatic

Bad.

Error messages. No hurting. Knew that was Bad. Not verbal enough to call Ro.

Calmed down. an hour. Called my love. He was going sleep. Said night. Good love. He would say calm down, am all right.

Tried call big bro. No answer.

Tried call Dawn. No answer.

No one left to call. Local. No more numbers.

Bad body image. Bad. No hurt self. No.


Self hypnosis a bit. Darkside would make sure I was OK if he knew how I was doing. He would not want to see me hurting. He would get grumpy and frustrated. Then when he got me almost better, he would hit gently until all better. Sometimes i just wanna stay sub forever and have him take care of me. but he likes me better as an equal. no fair.

wish he liked my body better.

Get mad when someone says that it's the way i am and there's nothing i can do about it. that makes me feel like everything i am doing isn't worth jack squat and i might as well give up. get mad when people tell me i have to learn to love myself as i am. get mad when ... well. yeah.

get mad when people make stupid jokes.

wish you liked my body better, beloved. wish i were good enough. wish i didn't make a habit of pissing off my friends. wish i didn't have to go and rain on everyone's parade.

they cancelled their movie night out over this.
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