May 13th, 2001

running, bomb tech

work

found another "one of us" there. The code phrase "Wow, I really like your necklace" says soooo much. I told her about some of the best places in the area. Hope I get to work next to her in the future.
running, bomb tech

Douglas Adams

Dammit.

I guess, being young, I'm going to outlive all my childhood heroes. I just wish I'd gotten a chance to meet some of them, some of the ones that helped me through the bad years.

Douglas Adams was someone I never knew much about the life of. Douglas Adams, Isaac Asimov, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Robert A. Heinlein... come to think of it, most of my heroes are authors.

But Douglas Adams is at least rumored to be dead, and thus I mourn.

Fanfic, anyone? The trilogy cannot die.
running, bomb tech

when I fall in love..

Once upon a time, I dreamed of eternal love. You know, the sort when you look into their eyes for the first time, and then you both know that it is inevitable.

A time of courtship and roses follows, you looking carefully at him over the top of your book, then blushing and looking away; and he comes up, examines the title, and gives you a kiss on the hand to remember him with.

You write love poetry back and forth, and giggle with your girlfriends as he does things to try and impress you with his wit, his strength, and his humor. You are duly impressed, and let it show...if you wish.

Eventually you spend some time together, and when the moment is right -- your first kiss.

The kiss is romantic, and nearly makes you faint and/or lose consciousness. You are incredibly high, and go about for the next several days giggling for no reason whatsoever.

You then get married, and live happily ever after, raising a family and dying at the same moment, forever as in love as you were the day you first met and the moment you first kissed.

Nice dream, eh?
  • Current Music
    When I Fall In Love
running, bomb tech

Dave

Got a friend. He's going to Germany with the Army for the next two years at least. Really nice, sweet guy. Pity he's Christian.

I like him a lot, and he's one of the only true gentlemen left in the world....

Since when did "gentleman" become a prerequisite for me dating them?

Since high school, and my "just friend" then, I suppose. My "just friend" tried so hard, but...

Thank the Goddess and the God for *gentlemen* who will refrain from skewering you in the naughty bits with their foil, for gentlemen who will submit gracefully to a ticklefight and keep their hands in appropriate places, for gentlemen who never let you betray yourself, no matter what. Even at the cost of their own peace of mind.

This is for the *three* true gentlemen out there.

Um, dear? I know you're reading this. Gentlemen, I hate to say, don't admit to reading the Thin H Line, at least not to ladies.

Am I a lady?
running, bomb tech

anyway, the point is...

I could fall in love with this Dave guy, the one who's headed to Germany, so bloody easily. I could fall in love with the One Gentleman in Arizona (again) so easily too, though so far I've been resisting and (wonder of wonders) keeping my hands mostly off him. (I know he appreciates that...I hope he appreciates how difficult it is to not have physical contact with him, the friendly stuff that glues my mind together ... I'm a physical person and I need to touch people, and right now I only have one person who I may always hug. That's not quite enough.)

I have too many guys I'm going after, that's what. I thought I'd left that behind in high school. I am to hope that when I start growing up I won't chase after guys in this generally shameless way, but who am I to hope that?

My dream was always to settle down with one special someone, but the current most likely candidate for the position is unlikely, for a variety of reasons, to fill it. I don't have enough patience, is my problem.

It's not about sex, though sex is great and great fun. It's about having someone whose hand I can touch, and they'll look back at me, and we'll hold hands and continue with whatever we were doing before.

I don't think my friend the local gentleman is The One, if there even is such a thing. One of my dearest friends and most trusted advisors said that there was no destiny but that which we made for ourSelves, so if I wanted something, I'd better grab it and fast, and remain true to my vision of it and *make* it so.

Above all other things, though, I shall not make my friend more uncomfortable than I have already made him.

I could not bear to lose him.
running, bomb tech

Friday.

I read the Guide, and I realized that I wanted to write like that someday.

I hope I will.

And I hope someday, someone makes Douglas Adams laugh as hard as he made me laugh.
running, bomb tech

Teletubbies

"Teletubbies do not exist in Dennis land."

Lucky otaku. Lucky, lucky otaku.

Teletubbies, however, exist in Joanie land. Teletubbies exist in Nephew land. Teletubbies therefore exist in VCR land. Nephew enjoys VCR land. Joanie enjoys the world of computers. Joanie does not care for teletubbies very much; Joanie does not care for anything repeated over and over and over ad nauseum. Joanie thinks teletubbies are better than Barney.

Dennis advises large quantities of illegal substances.

Joanie thinks that caffeine, which is more legal, would do better in any case.

Let's all go get hyper!!
  • Current Music
    Teletubbies
running, bomb tech

love or just contact?

lately I've been craving physical contact. Not sex, just ... human touch. Adult human touch. Adult human touch with someone I care about. Adult human touch with someone I care about of compatible sexuality.

That really narrows it.

Been kind of dragging around school/home for lack of it. Don't really know how to explain it to my sister. She's been worried. Fixed it momentarily a while ago when I realized that it was the absence of someone special to me that was doing it, but ...

Human touch.

No man is an island. No woman either.

Especially not this woman.
running, bomb tech

dysfunction

I'm trying to go cold turkey from love for a while. There's no one I'm in love with right now. I've been in love, constantly, for the past seventeen years.

I'm just dragging around these days, silent and unusual. My sister wants to know what's wrong. I'm not telling her, since that would be whining and she'd give me a good solid lecture on the topic of love, et cetera.

I love; I am loved; I have a lover (well, online, but that still counts); but I am not *in* love.

You're right.

It's physical.

It hurts.
running, bomb tech

screaming and kicking

Someone's finally asleep, 3 hours after bedtime. Someone's going to be a joy to rout out of bed in the morning.