May 14th, 2001

running, bomb tech

Everything ... and the kitchen sink.

Ever tried to look up anything on Everything ( http://www.everything2.com ) if you really wanted to find it really quick for some reason?

That thing, wonderful though it is, can be slow, and sometimes you have to go here and there before you figure out which node your information is in. I finally managed to find it, though: a complete list of all the books in the Hitchhiker's trilogy. All five plus one short story of them. I'd been hoping I hadn't forgotten any, and I hadn't! I was so psyched.

Today somebody from the apartment complex maintainence staff came in and took the faucet off our kitchen sink for the purpose of installing a water filter. (about time...a month after we move in...but they had stuff like bathroom ceilings collapsing, so it's all good.) He was blipping in and out from apartment to apartment with hands and pockets full of sink stuff, and at one point I saw him carrying at least four kitchen sink faucets of varying specifications.

Our sink's back in one piece, and does not put out the rather impressive fountain that I saw emanating from it at one point, so everything is going smoothly. Still no water filter, though.

Got the zip drive installed on my sis's computer, though, so that at least is a good thing.

Not so tired today as usual.
  • Current Music
    REM: Fly
running, bomb tech

...a few crumbs from the pie

So where did it go?

Once upon a time, I was Da Bomb. Or something like that. I was cute, I was 15 years old and I had a girlfriend and she and I were in love with the most beautiful guy in the world, and she and I were going to get married after we graduated from college.

So where did it go?

I can't track the day that the ultimate coolness left my life. It revived a few days ago when we were pimpin' the Buick down Central. That was cool. That was ultimately cool. Work isn't cool, though. School can be. Babysitting isn't, not anymore.

I feel like I should be in Tune with the Universe.

That's not quite the thing for it. Right now I'm a part of the universe, and it's progressing as normally. There have been times when I have been ultimately cool, and if I knew where to poke, the world would have rolled in the direction I specified. That, right there, is a great feeling.

I have to watch out for it, though.

But every time I hear certain songs, I get flashed right back to CTY (Center for Talented Youth) back in 1995, and I ... gods.

I miss you guys. I love you guys. Remember how we were going to buy an island and all live there? What ever happened to the dream?

I don't want to let my dreams die one by one as I grow old. Stay true to my vision, is what I've been told.

How do I keep the dreams from dying? Some of them I've grown out of, but some...

I can't let those dreams die.
running, bomb tech

more jealousy

sparks this morning with the One True Gentleman. He walked up behind me and surprised me and we grinned at each other and everything was perfect. I didn't try to touch him; he almost touched me. I could feel how warm he was...

...and this afternoon, when he was leaving school, and I was sitting next to my sister, he had eyes only for her.

Lovely, taking second place, eh?

He'll recover.

He'd better, for everybody's sake.
running, bomb tech

Marriage Vows

The One True Gentleman says it's going to come back to bite me on the butt, and I agree with him.

Once upon a time, when I was young and silly (about a year ago) I decided that I was completely in love with a certain young man and decided to marry him.

We made vows to each other, that, by our life and our heart, we would be each other's. Forever.

It turned out that I wasn't the right woman for him, and he not the right man for me. We released each other from the vows, and fortunately we'd not made any promises that we'd be exclusive.

They're going to come back to bite me in the ass, those vows are.

Once I dreamed that I would be forever miserable without this man, that his breath and mine were linked, combined, together forever.

That person, the person who was me, is me no longer. I still recognize that self when I see her in my journals, the mirror of my journals, but that is no longer me. I was her, but I'm not anymore. I'm not the same girl I was two months ago.

It's still going to come back and bite me in the behind.

I don't know what form it's going to take, but I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what goes around comes around. Perhaps someone who means a great deal to me will grow beyond being friends with me, and that'll kick me where it hurts. Perhaps it will take a more subtle form.

I don't wish I could unsay those vows. I don't wish I could make them never happen. I do wish I could have waited, made lesser promises, or none at all, and still ended up where I am today.

If you like where and who you are now, how can you rewrite yesterday?
running, bomb tech

Homework

Doing a paper analyzing an advertisement to death. I'm doing the Ford Focus "Dude" commercial. It should be pretty damn good. I'm the shining star of that particular english class.

Thinking about switching to computer science. That's where my passion lies. Wouldn't be able to be in the same classes with my sister then, though, and I'm not a math person. I get behind so easily...

...but oh, do I ever love taking computers to bits, and finding out how it works.

Got to be on the recieving end of a long rant from my sister's computer person friend, the one who hacked into my system. She got jealous. I was just sitting there smiling and nodding, but apparently that was enough to encourage him to talk, just talk, about Linux and Unix and Windows and all that good stuff. He says Microsoft is the place to be; they'll be around forever, but Linux is great. Unix is dying.

He just totally unloaded upon me. I don't know what it is about a newbie with half a clue who'll shut up and listen, but all of these computer-type guys feel that it is their duty as ... well, as computer-type guys, to completely do this whole technobabble thing upon me. When I ask one simple question, this releases more torrents of information.

I could probably make a decent living as a shrink for computer people.