It scares me that I've actually started to like my job. I like my job because I can perform well at it when I'm halfway to completely asleep. I like it because I can perform on autopilot. I wake up if anyone starts talking to me, but as soon as they stop saying anything I haven't heard before, I fall asleep again. My eyes are wide open, and I'm walking and talking ... I'm just asleep.
I don't get enough sleep, and I spend all day in a dream.
In Life's Name and for Life's sake,
I say that I will use the Art for nothing but the service of that Life.
I will guard growth and ease pain.
I will fight to preserve what grows and lives well in its own way;
and I will change no object or creature unless its growth and life,
or that of the system of which it is part, are threatened.
To these ends, in the practice of my Art,
I will put aside fear for courage and death for life,
when it is right to do so -- till Universe's end.
Can't even change the damn time on the damn computer. This sucks. School computers. In a school full of hackers and crackers, it makes sense to lock the computers down so you can't even ... argh, though.
Not that I'd know how to crack the damn computer in the first place. I'm still a user. All the clocks in this school are wrong.
Conversations these mornings seem to consist of:
*: "Why are you grinning like that?"
Azz: "Grinning like what?"
*: "Like that. With the teeth."
Azz: "Because you're grinning. Why are you grinning?"
*: "Because you're grinning. Why are you grinning?"
Azz: "Because I was wondering what was going on in your mind."
*: "That's strange."
Azz: "And why is that strange?"
*: "Those were my exact same thoughts."
Azz: "So who started grinning first?"
*: "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"
Azz: "The dinosaur."
*: "That's a new one."
Azz: "No, that's an old one."
*: "Well, I've never heard it before."
And so on. Just us smiling, and then wondering why the hell we're smiling. Sis tells me that the guy in question is perfectly aware what I think of him. That's not news to me; I told him a while ago. It would be downright disrespectful of me to try to keep that from him. If I could successfully conceal it from everybody, I might have a chance at not telling him, but as it stands I must tell him everything that I don't have a damn good reason for not telling him, a reason other than my personal discomfort.
Summary: We're friends. I care about him somewhat more than that. He knows it. I shouldn't expect any constructive feedback on that front any time before October 16, 2001. In the meantime, we're having a lot of fun giggling about movies, school, beer, how many beers it takes my roommate to get drunk, vampire: the masquerade, the process of becoming a were-cat, and other related issues that two young people twenty-one years of age would talk about together.
I'm happy. Wow.
Doing laundry finally. Get paid tomorrow. Will have to get laundry money then. Only had enough quarters for one load. Did the black stuff, mostly. There's some of it left still, but all the jeans are clean.
Anime club Saturday.
Only been working five hours a day of late. That is not good.