June 14th, 2001

running, bomb tech

weightless

not sure where my brain is at the moment. had to stop everything yesterday and take the time to reboot with some star trek books. i need to read spock's world again, but as i don't know where to find a local copy (mine is in alaska) i think i'm SOL at the moment.

i think i'm mentally lost. this happens a few times every year. sometimes not at all, sometimes for months on end. i've only been lost a few weeks now. been trying to hide it. don't think it's working.

had to quit the other job that i was so excited about getting. stupid me for thinking i could do it. i can't. i just can't.

my friends are holding me together, but i'm not sure they're aware they're doing this. i wish they were, but i doubt i should be the one to tell them. they probably know.

wish my ability to be serious weren't linked so deeply to my melancholia. i have convinced my best friend that i don't want to be cheered up. wish i hadn't. wish he were able to better tell me depressed from me serious.

*sigh*

i need another star trek book and a couple hours almost-alone. want to read it in the corner of the couch wrapped in a blanket with my best friend sitting next to me reading too. there's something very isolating about computers to me. they entrance me. i can't look away. you can always put down a book for just a moment to share a smile. books are smaller, and you have to lean closer to share them.

i'm going to be fine. i've just been running, my mind's just been running, without correction for too long... and did I mention i'm running an unstable operating system?
running, bomb tech

really incredible

Concept: Small towns always have big things happening, because in a small town, even little things are big.

Big towns never have anything happening, because in order to stand out, stuff has to be Really Incredible and Really Big.

Exceptions:

Las Vegas
New York City


If a city hasn't lost its sense of wonder, it's all good. If a city has become hardened to the unusual, or resistant of the unusual, nothing ever happens.
running, bomb tech

Mentos and Dr. Pepper

I am going to scientifically figure out how to make the biggest boom of a soda bomb.

Have you ever made a soda bomb?

You take a soda of some sort and dump candy of some sort into it.

Soda go fizzyboom all over the place.


My friend from the Sith Academy e-mail list does it with Mentos and Dr. Pepper. The Duct-Tape Sword-Guy of UAF standard (established by S. Weixelman circa 1997) is Clearly Canadian and Pixy Stix.

With my best friend's help, I will attempt to uncover How to Make the Biggest Boom.

Scientifically, of course.
running, bomb tech

slacking

Don't think I'm going to pass the database class. Ah well. Passing everything else though.

Need to get my butt moving on the paperwork. Just feel like ... like *not*.

I'm going to kick myself later.

For now, fuck it.

Fuck it all.

I don't give a fuck.
running, bomb tech

all my lovers are belong to database

Trying to statistically first categorize all of my romantic entanglements by a number of different indicators, and then do some statistical analysis upon it. My hypothesis was that I am more attracted to blond guys with glasses who are good at computers. We'll see if that holds up in the numbers. It may in fact not: it may depend on something else.
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
running, bomb tech

ack.

I'm hungry. My stomach is past complaining at me and is starting to just ache.

I should probably go home and eat lunch and make like a civilized person for a while.

I just want to hibernate, though, hide from the world, and at home there's no place to hide.

It's home, though. It's home.

Maybe I should check a book out of the library and drag it into the closet with a blanket and a pillow.
  • Current Mood
    "I'm *fine*, Mulder!"
running, bomb tech

Searchin' My Soul

written by Vonda Shepard

I've been down this road walkin' the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide

Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to bring
Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

One by one, the chains around me unwind
Every day now I feel that I can leave those years behind

Oh I've been thinking of you for a long time
There's a side of my life where I've been blind and so...

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

Baby I been holding back now my whole life
I've decided to move on now
Gonna leave all my worries behind

Oh I belive I am ready for what love has to give
Got myself together now I'm ready to live

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in my life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home