June 29th, 2001

running, bomb tech


up way late last night, snickering about various things.

Albertson's had a sale on cherries. I like cherries.

Washed the cat yesterday. He is showing no ill effects. Was told should only wash cat once a month if that. Kid is running around with plastic sword after kitten.

Am leaving for work very soon.

Have lost a decent amount of weight. Hopefully will continue to do so. Hope I can look like I did in high school only more mature.
running, bomb tech

Happy Birthday

...Happy birthday, my old friend Shawn, if you should stumble across this in your ramblings across the web. I still think of you every now and then. I sent you a birthday e-mail just two minutes ago. I hope you get it; I hope you read it. I still care about you, though fortunately not like I did in the day.

I hope you and your daughter and your wife are doing well. I hope you've found what you want to do with your life and you are succeeding.

Your artwork is beautiful. I've seen your web page, and it never fails to blow me away. I wonder what other unexpected talents you've developed that the high school crowd never would have dreamed. I was the one who had the most faith in you, and even I lacked faith. I'm glad to see you've survived. I'm glad to see that you seem intent on staying surviving, and more than surviving -- *living*.

Blessed be, younger brother. Blessed be.
running, bomb tech


Had to use one of my 15 minute break cards today to get away from the insanity that was the Teen Attitude and Behavior Study* and go to the break room and catch a nap. Once I figured out what was wrong (I needed a fifteen minute nap AND I was pissy about certain things that weren't ever and aren't now) I was OK after I got the nap.

*Teen Attitude and Behavior Study:

"Hi. Can I talk to your mommy? Hi, Mommy. Are there any teenagers living in your house? You know, kids between the ages of eleven and seventeen? Yes, I know teenagers are between thirteen and nineteen. Gimme a break, I didn't write this crap. Yeah. So are you their parent or guardian? Parent, check. Um, may I have your permission to talk with one of them? No wait in a few minutes after I finish asking you a few questions first! Okay. Um, tell me the age and gender of everyone living in this household who's between the ages of 11 and 17, even if they're not home right now. OK, how many people 10 and under? How many people 18 and over? Cool. What's your zip code?

Ok, let me give you this 800 number and NOW I want to talk to your kid. Sure, it's fine if you listen in. OK, kid, I'm from a market research firm and I want to get your opinions on a bunch of crap. When your mom told me how old you were, she got it right, didn't she? OK, I'm going to ask you what kind of organizations you belong to, like school clubs, church groups, and crap like that. OK, next I'm going to ask you some nosy questions about your home life, like, are your parents strict and how much attention do they give you. OK, next I want to know what you do at school, if it's fun or yucky or whatever. OK, next, what do you do before and after school?

Now that we've got you neatly pigeonholed (you're a sports sheep and I would have hated you if I'd gone to school with you, and the length of time you paused before saying that your parents weren't strict at all tells me that your daddy beats you, and you watch too much TV and don't read and you look up porn on the internet) I'm going to ask you if you have smoked, ever, even just a little bit. No, secondhand doesn't count. If you've never smoked, I'm going to ask you which of these reasons describes why you don't smoke. If you have smoked, I'll ask you which of these says why you first smoked, and then either why you currently smoke, or why you don't smoke. Then I'm going to ask you why you think other teenagers smoke, then I'm going to pry into how many people around you smoke, your friends/family and stuff. Oh, and how hard is it, by the way, for kids your age to get their grubby little paws on cigarettes?

Now, are kids who smoke cooler or lamer than kids who don't smoke? Oh, and what kind of a risk-taker are you? Are you momma's boy at home, or do you like to go skydiving w/o a parachute for the rush? And, just for kicks, which of these activities is the riskiest: body piercing, drinking, chewing tobacco, smoking, being in a gang, getting a permanent tattoo, taking diet pills, taking steroids, or taking this survey?

OK, we're almost done, I swear. Um, have you seen any ads about helping out bums? any ads about not drinking and driving? any ads about not doing illegal drugs? any ads about not smoking? Um, where did you see that antismoking crap? OK, how about posters or banners, same topics? And where was that shit about not smoking? How 'bout school supplies?

OK, real fast now, how old are you and who lives with you and what grades are you getting in school and what are you doing after you graduate?

Thank you for spending twenty minutes answering my retarded-ass questions. Have a nice day! Okay, they were male or female, and they were or were not allowed to answer the questions in private. Damn, but I hate this job!"

...and that's what I do all day.
running, bomb tech


OK, I figured out why I was pissy after the following showed up in my mailbox:

Yahoo Reminder: Wedding of Abgi/Brian and Azz/Silence/Joan 6/29, this event does not repeat.


I'd be married today, if I'd stayed in Alaska. I'd be married today, if I hadn't gone to DeVry.

I'd be drinking myself to sleep tonight, if I'd gotten married. Either that, or crying. Or gritting my teeth and doing lewd and crude things with my new husband, who might or might not be sober enough to perform. In which case, my toys and I would get the bed, and Beej would have gotten the floor with his damn cat. (to be distinguished, btw, from our dear sweet Shammash.)

Fuck, I think I'm probably drinking myself to sleep tonight. The peppermint schnapps taste good. They're 60 proof, and I have 375 ml of them. There's not a whole bottle left; we had some the other night in hot chocolate.

Yes, I think I'm most likely courting a drinking problem. It's just that, without a history of drinking at all, I have an excessively low tolerance for alcohol, and just a little bit gets me loopy. So when I'm seen online drunk, it's most likely no more than just one beer, or one single shot of something hard. I can't drink anybody under the table, and it's not because my liver's dead. It's because I haven't drunk enough to half-kill my liver yet, and I don't plan on it any time soon.

I generally have a better time when I'm sober and acting drunk than when I'm drunk and have no other choice.