October 4th, 2001

running, bomb tech

And this is why I love you.

You always know what to say, even when I'm having my worst days. I can only hope that I'll someday be able to pay back even a small portion of the enormous emotional, mental, and energy debt that I owe you.

There is no one else that can brighten my day like you. I can be having the worst time of my life, and a few gentle comments from you, followed by one or three of your horrendous jokes, will turn my day into one of the most brilliant and best things ever. I was having a rotten day this morning (you saw me) and I came home glowing and happy. I didn't even get a nap before work, and still I'm happy after working a seven hour shift.

Every time you smile at me, the world's a better place. I can fall apart in front of you without worrying you'll scatter me before I can pull myself back together. You hand me the glue when I shatter; you tell me how it works, because you've been here before.

I'm sorry you had to learn all the things I love about you the hard way. Tell me how I can make it all better.

yes, Darkside, this is you.
teddyborg, geeky


Helping Darkside with HTML. He knows most of what he's doing, and I find him the details of what he's doing, and assist with typographical issues. It's very fun. He's bitching because it's code and he doesn't know it yet and it's not working right yet.

I like playing with hackers.
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    geeky geeky
running, bomb tech


This morning, as usual, Darkside took exception to my schedule, and went for my throat. (He compares schedules, beckons to me, I come closer, and then he wraps his hands around my throat and squeezes.)

Today I ducked, so he finally managed to get his hands around my throat a different way than he usually does, and in doing so, managed to give me a little scratch. Not much, but enough to be red and noticeable all day.

I showed it off to Neighbor, Adam, and Sis, who all congratulated me.
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running, bomb tech

successes, however small

Today I did something right. Darkside and I were sparring as usual, and he was making deliberately irritating comments in order to get me to do things right. I did a few things at him, and at the end of the mini-spar, he said, "Nice knife-hand there." I'd apparently gotten through to him at least once with it. "Congratulations," he said, and reached out to shake my hand.

I was startled, but let him shake it. After that, I just stood there for a few minutes, shaking just a little.

"You really don't trust me, do you," Darkside said.

"Should I?" I asked.

"That's up to you," he said.

There was no answer I could make to tell him that the reason I was keeping so far away and standing so guardedly was not because I was afraid he would hurt me after he said he wouldn't, but because I might touch him after I'd said I'd try not to.

If I thought you'd welcome it, I'd be all over you in a second... as it is, I shall respect your wishes...