October 16th, 2001

running, bomb tech

Reminder (actually created 2001 06 10 14:24)

Um, so how are things going with Best Friend the Gentleman?

Update: (8:34 am October 16th 2001)

We're still friends, and it looks as if his heart may be healed.

Whether he likes me that way or not, of course, is still unknown. I will give him that letter after he is finished with his presentation.
running, bomb tech

from a list of helpful tips for the would-be evil mage...

Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations do not mix. When the shit comes down, it is vitally necessary to be able to discern between the gibbering monstrosity to throw holy water on, and the gibbering monstrosity that will fade away after a few hours, some B-complex, and a good hot bath.
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running, bomb tech

Make Love To War

Well, I delivered the letter to Darkside.

The plan went like this.

First, I wrote the letter. You could feel the energy pouring out of me as I wrote it. Darkside noticed there was something different this morning. I was glowing, practically -- whenever I'm nervous, I tend to light up like the proverbial Yule branch, and things around me pick up sparks.

I told Darkside, when he was twisting my fingers, that perhaps he should not do this, because it was having an effect other than the intended one. "You stop hitting me, I stop doing this to you," he said.

Darkside had a presentation in class today, Database class with the infamous Mr. Wright of the Bostonian accent. He was all dressed up in his suit. (He carries a marble in the pocket for some reason, a white cat's eye marble, maybe so he'll know he hasn't lost all of them yet.)

I sparked all morning. I wrote the letter sitting next to him in the computer lab. For a while, during the most emotionally intensive part of the letter, I couldn't even speak. I walked over to stand with Neighbor and a friend of his who were having an animated conversation about games and gaming and game design, and joined in, using only face and body gestures, because I still could not speak; my voice was overloaded.

Darkside and I sat down in the cafeteria and talked for a while, little stuff. It was nice.
running, bomb tech

...intermission...

Orgasms are great. Peace visited this afternoon.

...Don't get me wrong. I love Darkside with a passion. I also love Peace quite a bit too. We'll see what happens.
running, bomb tech

(no subject)

Sis expects Darkside to call this evening when he gets home from work, after I described what did happen this afternoon. (I'm at school, ok? the half-finished bit of the tale is on my machine at home. I'm exhausted. Gimme a break!)
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running, bomb tech

Make Love to War, part 2

Neighbor proofread the letter I'd written for Darkside and could find no corrections to make. I found out when Darkside's presentation was and (since Darkside suffers from stage fright) made a note so that I would not give him the note before the presentation was done. One of Neighbor's friends, the tall one who somewhat resembles HSBF, gave me some caffeinated mints. Those calmed me down some; I was starting to tremble all over.

I discussed my plan for delivery of the note with Neighbor. I had planned to give him the note, then kiss his hand. (Sis said "Kiss him already, dammit!", and "The path of the magician is not the path of a coward" to me this morning.) Neighbor said, kiss him on the lips. No tongue.

I walked Darkside from his Networking class to Database, and wished him good luck. He said goodbye and reached out and brushed his hand against my shoulder first... I reached out and touched him in the same place. No more, no less.

I ran to English class, where I freaked out and repeated the Litany Against Fear until I was calm enough to go over the fallacy quiz the teacher was giving, then repeated it some more. I shared the fact that I'd just written one of the most important written pieces of work that I would ever write -- was there anywhere that taught love letter writing like they taught professional writing in school? The teacher laughed. I was hyper.

I found Darkside again and repeated the Litany Against Fear to him. He grabbed me by the throat midway through, but I finished reciting it anyway. We both needed it, but I doubt he knew why I needed it, other than that I was stressing over an English paper. (I am. I'm just not quite that stressed.)

I went back to Neighbor's lab, repeated the Litany Against Fear a few more times, and started to write up a spell for the lady who'd asked me about a love spell the other day. I worked on that until it was about time for Darkside's presentation, then I went to the room where he was in.

Lo and behold, as his group was the last one scheduled, and there were a lot of people with engagements right at noon, there was a mass exodus from class of those who could not stay for the whole thing (rather than having them get up and leave in the middle). I slipped in and stood very quietly in the back, watching.

Mr. Wright saw me and nodded to me; he's getting used to me showing up in odd places to talk with Darkside. Darkside finally caught my eye and flashed me that look that means "Why oh why couldn't you have let me humiliate myself in private?" I smiled what was meant to be an encouraging smile.

He wasn't half bad at presenting. I could tell that he was as nervous as fuck and just babbling on empty at some points where the program was doing breaky things at him (they "fixed" it before presenting, and he didn't get to hear enough about how it worked) but was ultimately OK.

I walked with him out to his car, and we spoke about my experience giving a presentation on empty for the same class (the entries for that: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7) where most of my public speaking and bullshit mad l33t skillz were called into play. This occupied conversation all the way to the car.

"Here," I said, as he sat down in the driver's seat, handing him the folded note I'd been toying with all morning long.

"What the hell?" he said, and started unfolding it.

I leaned over, turned his face towards me with one hand, and (as he began to duck away, not quite knowing what to expect) planted a gentle kiss half on his lips and half off.

Before he could react, I straightened up and strode away calmly, tall and proud, and walked at a decent but unhurried pace into the school. Once safely inside, the doors shut behind me, I turned around and looked out the mirror-windows at his car, still there, not looking as if it was going anywhere for the next little while. I walked on down the hall. I got as far as the computer lab before I collapsed against the wall, shaking.
running, bomb tech

coward?

I didn't kiss Darkside's hand today. His hand was too inconvenient to reach. I went for the lips.

Contact.
running, bomb tech

...haven't been so miffed in a long time...

...basically, when the lady that I'd been having the conversation about magic with saw Darkside next, he asked what I'd said about him.

nothing more than what he'd heard, the lady said, why would I talk about him?

oh come on, Darkside said, I know her. what did she say?

nothing about you. Why would she be talking about you when there are so many better things to be talking about? you obviously don't know her all that well.

.....

cracked the hell up out of me. no, he doesn't know me as well as he imagines he does.

pissed the hell out of me, though, when she made comments about his general arrogance and overinflated ego and him being butt-ugly. no woman would look twice at him?

she noticed that I had a thing for him, finally, and told me to tell him, word for word, if he ever got an attitude about me liking him, that he ought to be grateful that some woman liked his skinny ugly ass.


....

....

he's always been handsome to me, except with that godsawful haircut. clear blue eyes, soft hair, an expressive mouth and intelligent eyebrows...

....

i don't see why anyone could call you ugly, darkside, except for someone who doesn't know you. nor arrogant. you put on such a good act for those who you don't want to see you...

...

I'm glad you let me in.