my final final. Adam visited tonight; i stopped in the lab where he was and hung with him until the lab closed. I was quiet and mostly behaved myself; I did not get yelled at for being in the lab when it was closed.
Adam eventually did come home with me, and we had an hour of fun before he had to catch the bus.
i wasn't happy tonight. tired, grouchy, needing more time with him than an hour snatched here and there. I crave enough time to be held properly, to go to sleep in his arms without having to worry about being late for work, missing class, missing bus.
Darkside still occupies the wrong places in my mind. Reprogramming pfah!
This keyboard has just about had it. I got it free from school, because it was darned sticky POS that was past its useful life from years upon years of slightly less than sane college students banging away on it.
This is getting bizarre.
Have you ever had an experience where you *know* that something's going on, even if the principal character in the situation denies it, publicly and privately, to all who inquire about it?
It is clear to everyone who asks Darkside what he thinks of me that Darkside's opinion, both public and private, is that Darkside and 'Ni/Azure/Joan/the Lunatic are friends, very good friends, the sort of friends that beat up on each other on a daily basis, and nothing but friends.
It is also clear to everyone who watches, in person, the way that Darkside and I act around each other, that there's more than a little flirting going on from both sides, and it's more than merely casual.
As if that weren't enough, observe the changes in Darkside's attitude toward any and every guy I start going after. He's usually quite sociable to any people who talk to him, responding to a friendly "Hi!" with a sound that Kenny from South Park might make and a nod.
If I should start hitting on a guy who often exchanges morning greetings with Darkside, however, Darkside adopts a distinctly non-friendly and guarded attitude around them, marked by such telling indicators as not making the Kenny-sound in response to a greeting, actually bringing the person up in a conversation, not mentioning the person's name when speaking of them to me, and not looking at them if they're in the same room, paying marked attention to something else instead.
This goes on for maybe a week or two, and then Darkside will be friendly to them, actually going so far as to say "Hi" back when greeted. If, by that time, I'm still going after this person, Darkside will continue to look at them strangely, and will make pointed inquiries about them to me when they are not there.
It's odd. Darkside asked what Adam and I had been up to. I asked did he really want to know, because if he did, I'd tell. Darkside said no; that had been what I'd been thinking.
Only, later.... he asked again, a more specific question. I answered it, perhaps not as completely as he would have liked. He asked more, later. I answered, again incompletely, but as completely as he really ought to know.
He'll ask again, more.