February 28th, 2003

high energy magic

Officially Hyper.

Right now, I am under the impression that if I allowed myself to, I could launch off from the floor and fly around the house horizontally, parallel with the floor, at about doorknob height.

This happens less often than it used to.
  • Current Mood
    hyper hyper
Azzcalm, Quiet

Self-reference, cliques, newbies, etc. MUCH et cetera.

pyrogenic invited me to join everything2, once. He made some comment about all that I could contribute to the site, knowing my mind.

So I went there and checked it out. It was of the coolness. There were writeups on... well... everything.

Then I tried to contribute.

It was a mess. I had tried to make sense of their notes to newbies, and I'd tried to do everything right... and somehow, I had just not learned the style. Was too full of myself. Wasn't cool enough. Wasn't interesting enough. Was too sensitive.

Cool things form unwritten standards to keep them that cool, and cliques that set the standards and enforce them. If you can imitate the style, evidently, you're in. If you can't, you're out.

Barriers to entry in cool things online are getting higher. I was thinking about my friends-of list today a lot; that's how the topic came up. There was an article, a while ago, about blogging, and how there are a few blogs that are really popular, and there are many, many that aren't.

In order to get noticed, you have to be noticed. People have to refer to you. People have to check you out, and keep doing so, and tell other people about you. And the more people who know you, the more people talking about you. The more people talking about you, the more new people adding you. That's part of the shadesong effect. She has that going. I don't really think I do, yet. I just have a wide friends list, and I redistribute interesting stuff, and then people credit me as their source on the interesting stuff. I think that's how it works.

Cliques, though.

I try to look through the journal of everyone who adds me. If my readership keeps growing, though, I won't be able to do that. I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep journalling quite as openly about some things. I have an interesting set of things going on in my life. I've already noticed that I'm able to get my thoughts out better when I don't think someone is watching over my shoulder.

This week, I tried participating in some communities more than I am apt to do. I left pagan because of the high traffic level, and, to be honest, the high newbie level. I don't have that much attention to go around; though I consider myself reasonably advanced on my own path, I'm not very clueful at all about the pagan world in general, and it shows.

I'd like to say that I avoid causing dramatics. I'd really like to say that and have it be true. But life wouldn't be the same without a little spice of drama to liven things up. I can avoid having things get out of hand, as much as I can... drama creates controversy creates conversation creates interest creates opinions creates controversy creates more drama. Talked with my dear about politics and drama rather late last night; we went through the political iterations of something as simple as buying a piece of equipment with her local politcs. Yeesh.

But I cause dramatics. I'm opinionated. I do try to avoid passing off the opinion in public, on many issues. If I'm wrong, I look like a fool, and I don't study much of anything enough to form an opinion of it that can't be knocked over by most people who have spent time looking into the subject, so I don't bother formulating public opinions of many things at all anymore. I could say that Bush sucks, but that's what I've gathered from hearing people whose opinions I respect who have evidently done more research than I have on the topic; for all I know, he could be a really sweet guy. (Only I personally doubt it. I have no faith in his ability to do anything right for the country I live in, yet I feel I have little say in it, because I rarely can be arsed to vote.)

I'm opinionated, but I like to avoid public declarations of it in hopes that my position, held quietly, can save the cat. Eh? The thought experiment. Cat. Box. Deadly gas. Radioactive materal. Doomsday device. Probabilities, possibilities, all in a fog until we open the damn box. Only I refuse to open my damn mouth, lest the world take on a possibility that I don't like, but fear would be the truth.

I'm tired, and I'm afraid to make that phone call, lest I be a fool, and lest the other party truly be guilty. I have not spoken names lest I be a fool; that's something deeply programmed into me. Innocent until proven guilty. I guess I want to cling to that possibility lest that person's friends be wrong... I'm a fool, and I'm tired.

If you don't know what to say and how to say it, people will think you're a dumbass, even if you're not.

//this has been brought to you by the good offices of sleep-dep...
  • Current Mood
    exanimate exanimate
running, bomb tech


Mindbreaky happens when I write too late. 0300 is definitely too late.
Azzcalm, Quiet

Work, scheduling, graduation

Was woken up this morning by a phone call from work asking me if I would be able to participate in the special e-mail project if the training class were different than the initial layout: 4-7 on Monday, rather than the whole week. I was overjoyed and said that this would indeed work.

Then I looked at the clock. Past ten. Holy fuckeroni. I skidded out the door heading for school to meet with the Dean to get all my shiznit together for scheduling next tri. The session closed at eleven, and I needed to be back home at 11:30 for yaksha42 to have his friend (Matt) pick us up to go to graduation.

Got to school. Deserted. Turned out to be next Friday.

Skidded back home. yaksha42's brother is here now. They came over and grabbed me and we waited for his friend to show up, then we drove to the graduation at the Sun Dome.

It was in keeping with the theme of the day that the belt running the radiator and the power steering snapped, so not only was Matt having hard times controlling the car, it was overheating. We got to the Sundome barely OK, with the thermostat redlined, and Yakky's brother took a look at it. Radiator fluid all over the place.

Went to graduation. Stayed seated for the national anthem. Stayed seated for the (blatantly, loudly Christian) invocation. Clapped and cheered for people. Clapped and cheered when nRon was introduced. (Recommended to yaksha42 that he take a class with nRon if at all possible). Clapped when yaksha42 graduated. Clapped until my hands hurt when ralmathon graduated. Met ralmathon's dad, and introduced myself with name and hometown, which is how Alaskans greet each other. Saw other familar faces graduating, such as digitalambience's brother Pestilence.

Said hi to nRon, and Prof. Sheldon, and others I saw around. digitalambience was there, having cut his lovely curly red hair down to a buzzcut again, and I messed up his hair and gave his skinny ass a hug. (Boy doesn't get enough to eat, I swear.)

Was formally introduced to ralmathon's parents, and introduced yaksha42 to nRon.

Waited around for several hours while Matt's family and Matt and yaksha42's brother did arcane things with the car. Mostly, it was sitting in the car and waiting for Matt's parents to come back with the spare parts. Got some reading in, and chatted about Alaska weather to Matt's grandmother. Amazing how fascinating the subject can be. I can hold forth on it quite well.

Got teased about me and Yakky being lovebirds. All we were doing was sitting close and holding hands while I was reading...

Matt evidently recognized me from when I used to be in the downstairs labs in the mornings with Darkside, giggling together over things. Evidently we giggled a lot, and it was a very cheerful thing for others to behold. I guess I have a habit of forming friendships where the bindings that hold close are visible from the outside even to the untrained...

Got dropped off here around seven, having left at noon.

What a day. WHAT a day.
  • Current Music
    ...and a little headachey
high energy magic

# = witchy, on clergy functions (crosspost from the one list)

One of the most frustrating clergy functions I've come across is the one where you have Advice to give to someone in a really fucked-up situation, where the Advice includes them making some change to themselves or their perceptions or behaviors... and they *ask* for the Advice... and then it's not taken.

Happens too much. I know I've pulled that on people.

And it still sucks to see people do that to themselves.

I've gotten into the habit of thanking people who actually take my good advice...
running, bomb tech

Blood sugar, heart

In the nine hours between breakfast (one can slimfast at 1100) and dinner (marxdarx's yummy burgers, as I was incapable of coherent kitchen management) I managed to crash my blood sugar to the point where I couldn't deal with the results of my uncertain hands (rice spilled all over floor).

My heart did that thing where it beats a little too hard/fast. Have figured out that long, slow breaths are what makes it go back to normal. The last time it did something like that was several months ago, if not more.
running, bomb tech


Went to the store after getting something in my stomach. Rather, I started to the store -- stopped for a conversation on work styles and reactions and attitudes with marxdarx, resulting in my realizing that I'm deliberately attempting to treat the Little Fayoumis as much like an adult as possible, by letting him work things out for himself as much as possible rather than issuing orders.