March 2nd, 2003

loud fayoumis

Four little words.

I have trust issues. I also tend to get insights. There are times when people are being asshats, and trying to hide it...

... Gha. Gha gha gha. I wish, if what was said is so, that I could say I was angry and disappointed and shocked.

I'm somehow not, though.

The words 'I told you so' are haunting me.

I hope Echo was at one point the man he was thought to be. I measure my loss of faith in him to the Tuesday in September [private entry]. Something about the tone of voice, the touch of words, told me I could not trust him. No True Friend would speak that way.

What kills me is that she knew him better than I did, had known him longer... and trusted him longer. I was willing to put aside my vague misgivings as she knew him better, before then; I was not willing to put aside my specific misgivings when he demonstrated, to me, that his attention was not on my dear sister's health and well-being as it should be were he truly her friend, but somewhere else.


I have to listen to my instincts.

I told me so, but did I listen?
  • Current Music
    Where's the grapefruit spoon?
running, bomb tech

(no subject)

Marx: your brother just called: he's staying with your mom, if you'd give him a call. He didn't want to wake you up...
running, bomb tech

Cunning Plan Progress

Lazed around this morning. Did wind up going to Sam's, and getting cheese and meat and other stuff. And socks. Can't do it without the socks.

Now I should likely refuel and go out again.
running, bomb tech


...Little Fayoumis was a little rough with the basketball hoop and it broke. Upsetness.

Have noticed that Marx does get a little hyper when it comes to talking. I can almost keep up just fine, but I can "feel" Little Fayoumis getting left in the conceptual dust at some points. Maybe I'm just painfully detailed, slow, and I keep on beating dead horses to death... but...

It all works.

Insert lesson from Diplomacy 101.
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy

Mmmm. FUCK YEAH! (guacamolé)

This was my first bash at creating same, and I was a little apprehensive. But, if m'lady want it, m'lady usually gets it. And she'd wanted some when she noticed me bringing home avacadoes.

So I looked to my taste buds for inspiration, and remembered that guacamolé is both more salty and more spicy than straight avacado. So, after mashing up an avacado, I dumped in some garlic salt. Close, but not quite right. So I thought back, and dumped some lemon juice in.

The results, tried on a potato chip, made me weak in the knees. Food of the gods.

So I added just a sprinkling of powdered cayenne pepper, and a little bit of sour cream, and called it a day.

Azz's Knee-Melting Guacamolé:

1 small-medium avacado
1/2 to 1 teaspoon garlic salt
1 tablespoon lemon juice
(optional) 1 sprinkle cayenne pepper
(optional) 1 tablespoon sour cream

Mash avacado. Add garlic salt, lemon juice, and stir. Taste. Add cayenne pepper. Taste. Add sour cream.

Serve chilled with chips or whatever.
  • Current Music
    Marx playing something with grendels
running, bomb tech


More food happiness, in which Azz looks at the roast of beef from Sam's, says, "Yeah right," and proceeds to cut the thing up in steak form. Fried with garlic salt and tenderizer. The version that marxdarx got and votania will get has been hammered to hell with the steak hammer; I got no such yumminess. And it was still delicious. Oh, and a little bit of olive oil to make things just that much better.

Delicious. Absolutely delicious. For those who like beef, at any rate...

More steaks from the same roast are merrily freezing, as it was too big to be eaten within today and tomorrow. My evil plans for tomorrow include wine-marinated meat and mushrooms fried up with creamy cheesy white sauce and maybe a little garlic, over pasta.

I still need to get more soy sauce, and some more margerine, and other fun things.
Azzcalm, Quiet

Inspiration (I never knew)

I never knew I could be an inspiration to someone just by being who I am and being my stubborn bitch self.

I'm walking wounded, walking weird. Some of you already know that there's more than one of me in my head. There's me. I'm the primary personality, the one that most of you see every day. Then there's garnetdagger, who kicks ass and takes names when we need it. Then there's Marah, who deals with life's bullshit, and isn't too fond of it either. Then ... well, there are four of us, and she doesn't come out much. I have good days and I have bad days. I have days where everything is dancing and singing and wonderful, and I have so much energy, and I have days when the world is shit and I am worse. I have days when the world would be great, but I can't manage to drag my ass out of bed. There are days when the world is just sucky, and I'm going frantic trying to fix it all, and I can't move fast enough and I'm still zooming past everyone around me. There are days when my allergies have me hammered to the floor. But the next day (or the day after that) I get back up again...

And I go to school. I try to go to school. When I can pull myself out of bed, out of the house, I go to school. I'm not giving up on it. I clean house. I spend some time with the Little Fayoumis and help him scramble towards adulthood by giving him insights into the adult world, and how it isn't so different from how he is after all.

I gave up on school before. I sank deep into a depression, and refused to get out of bed, go out of my room during the day, didn't want to talk to anyone, avoided work of any kind...

I'm dragging my ass to school. I'm trying to keep the house under control. Oddly enough, with mostly me taking care of it, it tends to do more of it itself than it does when there are three adults on top of it 24-7.

And me doing this is an inspiration. I never realized that managing to get my ass out of bed, managing to keep the wants and needs and dietary habits of three other people more or less in mind, managing to make a halfassed attempt at all this -- I never realized that was inspiring.

I likely have some form of depression. I know I am multiples. (Somewhat more functional than many, evidently. Leave a social Gemini alone, and she'll talk to herself.) I know I have self-esteem issues. And I keep on going. I just keep on.

That's all.

But evidently that's enough.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy

In other news...

... it's always fun to listen to an alternative radio DJ search for a polite way to say "You're a skanky oversexed whore, and I morally abhor everything you stand for" live on the radio.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished
Azzcalm, Quiet

Avacado price poll

Poll #108061 Avacadoes

(In cents, because the blasted thing won't let me do fractions of dollars) How much do avacadoes cost in your area?

Mean: 100.00 Median: 95 Std. Dev 42.19
  • Current Music
    Marx still playing the creature game with the grendels