March 6th, 2003

running, bomb tech


An interesting thought, that my weakest point could be my love for Darkside. I really don't know what to think about that.

It's a vulnerability, yes; a place where anyone who wishes to hurt me could try and attack.

I always think of weaknesses, though, as being things that you can try and work on, try and fix. I don't see myself as "fixing" my attachment to Darkside.

I know that if he were to irrevokably go away -- if he were to die tomorrow -- I would survive. It's so much not like Shawn. Shawn's near-death took a lot out of me; I don't think I would have done at all well if Shawn had managed to get killed while under my care.

That's the distinction, I think. Darkside's not "under my care". I'm not responsible for him, nor is he responsible for me. He trusts that I'll be responsible for myself, and I know he's responsible for himself. Not that he doesn't take care of me when he sees something that he could do for me; I do the same for him, if I see something that I could help with... but we're adults. We don't need each other for base-level survival.

Mind-level survival, on the other hand...

Leaving aside any questionable forms of mystical connection, which are only open to debate if you're not involved enough to Know whether they're there or not, he and I are both very lonely when we don't have someone close that we can talk to on a regular basis and confide in. Wonderful as it is, LJ does not fill that need. Conversing with several people on LJ does fill that need, or come closer to filling it, but as they and I have differing schedules and differing IRL locations, this is suboptimal. Both Darkside and I need real-life friends who are emotionally and physically close.

I always have a friend like this. I always have someone I'm in love with. Darkside is a good combination of the two, and is one of the safest people I could love: he'd never harm me. Never.

I've been in love with somebody, constantly, since I was 5 or 6. That's when I started husband-hunting. I started out with kid-crushes, moved up to Unrequited Love on the Completely Disinterested, progressed to Unrequited Love on the Really Bad Friends to Have, with the occasional Unrequited Love for Good Friends Who Really Think Of You As An Amusing Kid Sister, then moved on to Requited Love for Someone Who Should Stay As Far Away As Possible From You If You Know What's Good For You. Unrequited Love for a Best Friend Who Would Never Do You Harm is an excellent choice, given that history. Especially good, given that Unrequited Love on Really Bad Friends to Have can turn so quickly to Requited Lust... may I present Shawnyel? Idiots.

I'm not worried about how deeply in love with him I am. This is a normal level of intensity for me. I would be worried about me if I were unable to be head-over-heels in love with someone.

I actually think of my feelings for Darkside as a pretty good patch on what has in the past been a terrible weakness. By loving him, and trusting him as I do, I am not free to fall head-over-heels for someone who will take advantage of my adoration. Furthermore, he watches my back, just as I guard him...

So no. I don't consider that a weakness.
high energy magic

Found it on memepool, and it's still as funny...

I was doing a web search on religions several tri ago, and I happened upon one of the Official Websites for the Church of Satan. They and Apple Computers had a falling-out, and the story is amusing.

I have a fondness for people who might, in other circumstances, have wound up part of Raven's flock...
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Little Fayoumis, Nephew

"No no no no no no no!"

Little Fayoumis is playing with yaksha42. Thus, he is saying "No no no no no no" in the explaining of a certain fine point of the rules. He's at that point where he configures the rules of any game he makes up so that he'll win...
  • Current Music
    "No no no no"
high energy magic


Dishes, swept kitchen, did laundry. It's drying right now. Took out trash, vacuumed. Folded up my veil and put it in a box; I'm not going to be working on that for a while. Scooped both cat boxes.

While on vacation, it's my duty to get the Temple in shape for the days I'm in school...
  • Current Mood
high energy magic

Happiness should be mine...

Laundry has been done, and, for the most part, put away. I haven't the foggiest where some of votania, marxdarx, and Little Fayoumis' clothes go, so I think I can safely leave that for Marx to do tonight.


It feels like my life is coming together.

I still need something akin to lunch, and to call Darkside...
Santa Lucia, Ritual, _schools16931


Lit a Happy Home candle on my altar (I use the yummy hazelnut-scented ones). Today's a good day for cleaning; making manifest the stuff from last night.
Little Fayoumis, Nephew

The things kids say...

So I'm standing there, petting shammash, and Little Fayoumis comes up and says, "The Temple is always open for Darkside. My body wants Darkside to come over. The Temple is always open for Darkside because he has the key."

Falling upon the floor and laughing ensues.

"The Temple is closed for bad guys, but the Temple is open for Darkside."

I guess we know who's popular around here... keep in mind that I had not mentioned Darkside all day.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Little Fayoumis, Nephew

More things kids say...

"So I'm not supposed to be a bucking bronco?"
"No! You're not s'posed to be a bucking backhoe. Giddyup, horsie!"
running, bomb tech

Wonderful spam....


Darkside never did come over. Poor Little Fayoumis was so happy about the idea of him showing up... Little Fayoumis gets to see Darkside less than I do, and he isn't happy about that.

Haven't gotten to talk to him this week yet. Left a few messages.
running, bomb tech


I should probably go to the store at some point to pick up some stuff.

  • Avacadoes

  • bread

  • milk?

  • juice

  • chocolate

  • meat

  • stuff for dehydrator

  • fish

running, bomb tech

*perk* Mood log...

Not sure what it's been these past couple days, but I've been perky as hell. Housecleaning is a natural result of such a state, which is why the floor's all vacuumed and so forth.

Little Fay hasn't been helping as much with the housework as he sometimes does.

Yep. Votania's going to be happy with her clean laundry.
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy


yaksha42 has a class with nRon Krawitz, the best teacher at DeVry!! Whoooooooooo! w00t!!
  • Current Mood
    geeky geeky