April 24th, 2003

running, bomb tech


LF spent my class time with Yakky, and they had fun with clocks. He had his sandwich. We had a midterm.

Then I came home.

I washed laundry while Marx washed the kitchen floor. Go, us!

Then Votania came home with her co-worker Chonch and her wife. Much fun. I introduced eris_raven, who was scared and tried to hide in my armpit.

Tomorrow morning, I give plasma, then I go to class. I am to have fun. Then I watch certain small fayoumi.
trust, best friends forever, snot-nosed brats

Holy hand grenade: Darkside/moving

I formally informed Darkside this morning that votania and I and our family were planning on moving to a three-bedroom, and formally asked him if he would like to join us.

His answer: "I don't know."


You must understand that my beloved best friend does not lightly accept offers of any sort of help. For him to be considering our offer enough to not reject it immediately... this is a big step.

My gods.

He's considering it.
  • Current Mood
loud fayoumis

If there was a way for this evening to get any worse, I don't want to know.

Everything was going just fine until we discovered that I am about an inch too big for the back seat seatbelts in B. Granted, it's a small car. But.

This put me in the shotgun position that marxdarx had been summarily ousted from. I was very, very silent the whole ride.

That is, until votania noticed it.

The only thing that could have made the situation worse, I was coherent enough to say, was turning around and cancelling our evening's plans. So we were headed in a dinnerward direction when B did that little thing where s/he won't go over 30 mph -- some sort of fuel injector clog, the Viking says?

So we pulled in at votania's old workplace, said hi to Clover (who was just leaving), collected our hugs, and went over to Shogun Express to get supper and let B chill out.

Everything was going fine, and marxdarx and I were going over the plans for making "computer salad" (slip of the tongue when I was talking about my cucumber salad) ... and then he left his chopsticks standing straight up in the bowl.


It's one of the things I grew up with, one of the politeness rules. You do not leave your chopsticks standing straight up in the bowl. That is like saying, "This food is crap, shit, and will make you sick." It's like leaving a two-cent tip. Only worse. And it was one of the politeness rules that I was taught.

No, I did not grow up in China. No, my parents are not Chinese. No, I do not embrace the Chinese culture wholeheartedly. But I do not think that it takes those things to make someone abide by certain standards of behavior. I do not ever leave my chopsticks like that, and when people who were not brought up with that rule are not in my presence, people whose behavior I am not responsible for, I do not give a good goddamn what they do with their chopsticks.

I likely would have twitched, sighed, perhaps asked if he was aware of the meaning of chopsticks set like that, and probably not made it an issue, on my own. Somehow, it became an issue. And when votania asked, I told the truth: yes, it bothers me.

No matter how it's phrased, I don't like it when people imply that I have no right to hold the social standards that I hold. I should not have to justify my standards of politeness to ANYONE. I have a right to them. I may not have a right to impose them on other people, but I have a right to hold them.

Piss off.
  • Current Mood
    angry angry
running, bomb tech


Error messages. No hurting. Knew that was Bad. Not verbal enough to call Ro.

Calmed down. an hour. Called my love. He was going sleep. Said night. Good love. He would say calm down, am all right.

Tried call big bro. No answer.

Tried call Dawn. No answer.

No one left to call. Local. No more numbers.

Bad body image. Bad. No hurt self. No.

Self hypnosis a bit. Darkside would make sure I was OK if he knew how I was doing. He would not want to see me hurting. He would get grumpy and frustrated. Then when he got me almost better, he would hit gently until all better. Sometimes i just wanna stay sub forever and have him take care of me. but he likes me better as an equal. no fair.

wish he liked my body better.

Get mad when someone says that it's the way i am and there's nothing i can do about it. that makes me feel like everything i am doing isn't worth jack squat and i might as well give up. get mad when people tell me i have to learn to love myself as i am. get mad when ... well. yeah.

get mad when people make stupid jokes.

wish you liked my body better, beloved. wish i were good enough. wish i didn't make a habit of pissing off my friends. wish i didn't have to go and rain on everyone's parade.

they cancelled their movie night out over this.
running, bomb tech

Knowledge, friendship, trust.

I hate to be spurred to make entries friends-only.

I rarely trust people I don't know. ...There's a thin line between things sometimes. I hit it off with complete strangers. I grow to hate people I've known for years. (Granted, I never liked them to start with.) I'm flattered when complete strangers think me interesting enough to correspond with.

We're a bitch. When we're unhappy about something, we're more of a bitch. It's hard to know when you're someone I like or someone I don't care much for until one of us tells you. Most people are neutral. If they do something that pisses me off, I don't care to interact with them. If they are pleasant and interesting, interacting with them is a pleasure. Some people I just find obnoxious: see Shrimpy. Some people are friends.

If you're a friend, chances are you know it. I will likely have friended you back, for starters. If you're an acquaintance, I may not have...


I do dispense cluebats. The character in question and I had an exchange, and he unfriended me, at my request.

Some combinations of people work, some don't.
running, bomb tech

And yes.

Am OK now. amberite called and much talking was happened. Real live trusted person connecting to me via phone is of much good.