May 3rd, 2003

running, bomb tech

Odd.

For the last while, ever since taking that clue about why he could not date me, I've been very calm and settled about my bond with Darkside. It's there. It's not going away. For either of us. And it's not going to get any stronger if I got out and pushed.

The best thing I can do is make sure that he's comfortable in himself.

The thing I dread is him getting ripped away from me in some fashion that makes it difficult or impossible for us to communicate regularly.
running, bomb tech

Dogs

I've decided that I don't object too much to dogs that actually look like dogs. The closer to wolf or sled dog that a dog looks, the better I like it.

I wasn't fond of my cousin's pit bull Precious. (I swear. That was the dog's name.)

But I like the sled dogs, the ones with blue eyes and pointy ears, or the big brown eyes, the ones who are alert and very, very hungry.
running, bomb tech

Night

marxdarx put away dishes, and then even put the dishes left in the sink into the dishwasher to start off the next load!

Tomorrow is votania's day off. marxdarx's grandfather has a birthday, so there shall verily be partyage.

She cooked up mashed potatoes tonight. Mmm.
running, bomb tech

Damn.

...Thing is, I love him [different than the usual] too. And he's leaving.

I want to have sex with him. I know how his arms around me, his lips on me, feel. I know how he could make me scream. I know his condom size.

And I love him.

I doubt I'd ever marry him. He and I are too similar and too different, wrong for matching up and staying sane.

But I love him. And that's not going to go away.
running, bomb tech

Nice.

Talked with my pretty for a while. Was too zonked to remain vertical, so got horizontal with her and the phone. Yay!

Happy chatting.

OK, sleep now.
Azzcalm, Quiet

Dream

Dreamed that my ear was acting up, and Votania took me to the doctor. There were ear drops, and the doctors practiced their social skills on me.

I was invited up to the office of the doctor, and his kids were there -- a little girl, and a toddler. The girl was playing doctor with a dog. Only it was just the collar and wristbands of a dog. It had been a roadkilled dog.

I looked around and saw all the stuff that this doctor's office gave away to patients as gifts. That was odd. My eye caught on the rice, and that was when the ninja guy came out, and wanted to ask me if I studied some martial art. I said no. He asked about calligraphy, and I lit up, but then said that I hadn't studied in ever so long. He said try any way. So I did.

And then it turned out that I was with Narcissa in FatherSir's truck, and we were driving along, and FatherSir was driving, and we saw all this lost stuff by the side of the road. And we looked in the pile and found FatherSir's lost boots, and FatherSir said we'd done a good job, and told us about the time he'd used a hundred dollar bill on the bus by mistake.

And then I was this guy at this party, and I was looking for that same girl, only she was older (my ex-girlfriend, actually) and somehow they found out that I was a Montegue, and they were sentencing me to death, and her as well? and they cooked up some poison, and I (I wasn't his viewpoint anymore, but it was "me") pretended to take some, and somehow we got out of there.

And somehow I was a girl again, and the girl was my girlfriend, and we were having an all right time, and... and she went into a sort of coma thing. It wasn't a coma -- her body was working all right by itself, but she was somewhere way out there, and unresponsive, so I was with her. And we were in the shower. She was standing, I was seated, shaving our legs, and I was gazing at the mirror hung in the shower and getting waterspotted, a lovely wooden thing with the mirror half-covered by leaves on the right side, big aspen leaves, not quite cut down the center to reveal the mirror beneath... dark wood, and burnt and varnished.

And she told me good try, but it wasn't working. And we conversed. She was still in the fugue, so it wasn't really her talking. And she was still standing there unresponsive and wouldn't look at me. It wasn't working. I was too old for her.

And then I was two skater guys on a bus, and she was the lovely woman in red, and she wasn't really there, and we were talking to her thinking she was there, and somehow no one else could see her, and she put orange juice on our seat, and we had to get off the bus fast....
running, bomb tech

Oddly enough...

... the ear drops from the dream seem to have cleared up my IRL ear irritation.
running, bomb tech

Sorry.

Every time I tell Darkside that I'm sorry about something, he dissects it. This is usually because I don't truly have anything to be sorry about after all.

It usually goes something like this:

Me: "I'm sorry."
Him: "Sorry for what?"
Me: "I ... love you. I'm sorry."
Him, gently, with an edge of sarcastic humor: "So, you're sorry for being human?"
Me: *sigh* "Yeah."
Him: *clobbers me over the head or something similar*


These days we usually shortcut the process to this:

Me: "Sorry."
Him: "What for?"
Me: "For being human."
Him: *clobbers me over the head*
running, bomb tech

Day

Woke up. Did stuff. Didn't call Darkside, as he said he'd be busy with the job search today. Decided to call Dawn before I left to give plasma. She was busy, but she could call back. Happiness!

We chatted for a while. Darkside is one lucky fellow to be on call for jury duty at this point, given his father. We rejoiced. Evidently the Universe listened to the commentary on the part of myself and others that Darkside and the military would be an exceptionally bad match (data type mismatch error!) and threw monkey wrenches in just the right places. Also, there's this stuff that you put on cats to de-flea them, and this makes the cat's dander toxic to insects and spiders -- it attacks the insect joint lubrication, which is bad news for insects, but perfectly all right for cats, dogs, and toddlers. On the other hand, there is this stuff that does just about the same for dogs, and that is bad for cats.

Darkside is perfectly aware of the release date of Order of the Phoenix; his mother will get it for herself, and then he will read it. That's my practical boy. So I might as well not get that for him for his birthday. I'd been thinking about it, though...

Eventually went and gave plasma. Read By the Sword again. Started it up last night. While giving plasma and in the bathtub are the two best places for me to read.

Was a little dizzy coming out, so I sat down and slurped water for a while before proceeding. Can't be too careful. I had a bad day like that at one point last year, where I was dizzy and blacking out and honestly thought I was about to die. This time, I elected not to walk out into the sun while I was feeling even a little unstable, and thus suffered no ill effects.

Met this guy at the bus stop. Elmo Ward. I think Ward was the name. It may not have been. He was interesting. Christian. Believes that the US is wandering about going in the wrong direction because no one has any love, and specifically, the way to find love is through Jesus. And he's prepared to say so on TV. Our conversation mostly consisted of him talking, and me smiling and listening. I need to look him up on the 'net to see if there are any records of him doing the things he talked about doing. Doesn't look like it. Interesting guy, at any rate.

He didn't seem to notice my star. Said there was a kind of glow about me. Well... yeah.

Stopped in at Jack-in-the-crack, then came home.


votania, marxdarx, and Little Fayoumis are off at Marx's grandpa's birthday party. Votania's not going to her great-aunt's birthday party on the grounds that no one was home at her mom's house to give directions when she called there, and it was almost certain that I'd deleted the caller ID info for her aunt's house... and she doesn't know how to get there. So, she can't go. Simple as that.

Dawn's going to call sometime this evening.

I think I may even get some housecleaning in.
Azzcalm, Quiet

Evening

Crashed out for a short nap; came back to to notice that people were coming in, and was sitting up saying hi to everybody when Little Fayoumis thought it would be helpful to close the door to my room. No, Little Fayoumis. "Did I tell you to close the door?" I asked, and Marx instantly put LF in the corner. Wailing ensued, but Corner is Corner, and I had to come down a little harshly too in my first months of active parenthood.

Marx had gotten care packages from his grandparents. It looks like we'll be able to use most of the stuff, and the stuff we can't, we can donate to the DeVry food drive, which is the quick/easy/useful way to get rid of it.

Votania and Marx went back out, and came back with Chinese. Mmm, orange chicken. I cooked up rice for sushi meanwhile, and fielded a call from the Viking at almost my least human (just woken, and busy-with-a-time-constraint) while I was washing dishes in preparation to cook rice, which was supposed to be at least on its way to being done before the guys got back. He'll be coming over later.

Little Fayoumis got started on his dinner, and Mommy and Marx started watching anime. Perhaps not the best timing, as Little Fayoumis was already grouchy about not getting to play Playstation today (no time to); he did eat his dinner after some prompting.

We'll see how the rest of the evening goes. I'm making sushi (the rice is chilling), and LF is getting ready for bed.
  • Current Music
    anime soundtrack
running, bomb tech

Where You Smile, and Then You Nod.

I tried my hand at making sushi tonight. I looked up a recipe for the proportions of stuff, then while everyone else was out of the kitchen, I began humming happily to myself and putting sushi together. I stopped when I ran out of rice.

Then, I called votania into the kitchen in the break between episodes of Invader Zim.

"So, you think we have enough sushi?" I asked, pointing her towards the refrigerator, where the sushi was chilling, waiting upon being cut.

She looked. She smiled. She nodded.


I think we have at least seven logs in there. At least. I think we'll be cutting those into seven or eight pieces each...

That's a lot of sushi, if you're considering that there are two people in the household who eat it.

Well, three, if you count eris_raven.
running, bomb tech

That was fun.

digitalambience stopped by, with a burn for votania. I shared the sushi. He liked, with soy sauce.

The Viking held forth for some time on why the Air Force really was Darkside's best bet. I smiled, but did not nod.

digitalambience hugged me bye-bye and gave me a kiss on the forehead. He'll be back tomorrow to talk with votania about the barter for that CD. He wants a necklace in trade, and then to buy another necklace for his mom for mothers' day.