May 16th, 2003

running, bomb tech

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I am up to here, reading my archives, not including those entries backdated from before I created my LJ.
running, bomb tech

Yesterday (mine)

Woke up late, did things, and then went and gave plasma. They were showing Triple-X (mmm, Vin!) and I caught the last half of it. Formulaic, but aware of itself, with gratuitous snowboarding. Fun.

They have learned there that I take quite some time to stop bleeding on my own, so now they just tape me up and let me go, rather than having me sit around to stop bleeding so they can put a dot bandaid on me.

On the bus on the way there, I had seen a guy who looked like Rocki. Turned out not to be, but it was an interesting brainboggle. On the way back, the Rocki-clone and his friends collected at the bus stop with me. The two guys were singing, much to the embarrassment of the chick who was with them. We struck up one of those bus stop mild acquaintances.

While I was waiting by myself at the bus stop, a big truck drove past, and I got whistled at. Heh.
documentation, writing, quill

Weird philosophy

If you're feeling as if you're living in a book, or a movie, that's so incredibly cool, because you get to see all the outtakes and cut scenes that no one else gets to see.

(ectogenesis is getting the cut scenes from Rose's life, even though they don't make it into the book.)
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy

Cow-Orkers Do Not Recognize Blondes

So, votania had to stop by her workplace last night to pick up her check so she could deposit it in her account so she could pay the unreasonable hairstyling bill.

She got in, past Security, and the person in there made the "Who the hell are you and how the fuck did you get past security" noises. Votania was wearing red and black dragon pants, a tank top, and was blonde. This is not her normal work attire (conservative black uniform pants, the uniform polo shirt, the blue uniform apron, and black hair). She had to show her ID before she was recognized.

Amusing.

I called Darkside and warned him that our dear votania was now blonde. His mother did me the courtesy of warning me when he'd had his hair cut. I decided to return the favor.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
running, bomb tech

Bad week

This past week, since the 8th, has been very bad and stressful. I don't know what has been up, but it's been awful. A couple days, I melted down crying.

Everyone's been too tired, and the house has been a wreck, and Little Fayoumis has been sometimes being good, but sometimes very much not.


Got a bad stress headache, one of the knotted-muscle ones. Was unable to soak it out in the hot tub. Tried to sleep. Couldn't.


On the 10th... I tried some kittenslaying. Fell asleep, on the ragged edge that is frustration and the need to sleep and the inability to, because things keep waking up. Bad day.

Probably a few too many rituals going, too, draining my energy. Got some Very Good Advice, though. Some counseling.

Got some places to start on clearing the air with Darkside. The house is still a mess.

Tried to kill kittens again. Failed. Crashed out.

Had a good grouch featuring Mr. Shallow.

Wound up sleeping in Thursday and today, missing class, just so I could have enough energy.
running, bomb tech

Pointing out the Obvious

votania reviewed with me her shitty day yesterday, and was all frustrated at me.

"Put it this way," I said. "Even though I know you don't do this stuff, this is a Mercury retrograde, and lots of other people who aren't you are affected by it. During a Mercury retrograde, you really ought not to be doing stuff that requires communication with other people. Among the things you're not supposed to be doing? Big stuff like, oh, operations. ...You had an operation. And you're 100% OK. So I'm satisfied."

With that, we stalked off to throw away some garbage. She was amused.


In other news, good ol' B evidently has so many oil leaks that the guy changing the oil couldn't find them all, and this with an aluminum engine block.

Fuuuuuun.
running, bomb tech

Tired.

Need to put away dishes. Need to clean kitchen. Need to vacuum. Need to clean living room. Need to wash glass doors.

Need a nap.
running, bomb tech

*sigh* Yes, I know it's your day off.

However, when you've been watching TV all afternoon, and have now settled in for a long session of gaming, I get frustrated upon seeing the contrast between that, and your space, which could use some severe tidying, not to mention the rest of the house.

I have dishes to put away, floors to scrub, floors to sweep, floors to vacuum. You have industrial-strength relaxing to do, yes. But you're so fucking PHOBIC about housework that I'm getting really really sick of living with you.
documentation, writing, quill

I'm having a really really difficult time dealing with this.

I feel like raging and screaming. I feel like he only does housework when threatened into it. I feel like I'm the only one keeping the house from collapsing into a pile of shit lately. I feel that I can't slack off for even one day. I feel that I can't take a vacation from housework; that when I do, it all falls apart. I feel that I have no place to be complaining, because I only have school and watching the Little Fayoumis. I feel that I have no place to be complaining, because I have good health. I feel that I have no place to be complaining because I have no job. I know I'm scared to get another job. I know I'm getting agoraphobic. I know I even hate going out shopping in the daylight.

I didn't do housework very much for the past week, and the living room is dingy. I feel like it's all my fault. I feel like I haven't been doing my job. I feel like I'm a failure.
running, bomb tech

Well, that's better, now.

Nearly nonfunctional, picked up phone card, phone, and online address book and called Ro.

She managed to calm me down into a place where I wasn't actively ready for self-injury, then I managed to get through to her one of the real issues for the panic attack.

Seems that me vs. sloppy roommates is an Issue, yes, but my real problem was with my response to it. Anger engenders panic engenders anger, and so forth. By fanning the flames of the righteous anger, it could have gotten so much worse...

Family conference tonight, at any rate.
sad, greensad

My response is my own responsibility.

I am not pleased when someone, upon hearing that my panic attack was triggered by the subject them and chores, tells me in an angry/offended tone of voice that they are not responsible for my reaction.

Neither am I pleased when they tell me that holding a family meeting tonight will not be good for our overworked, overstressed roommate.

I announced that I will begin job-hunting.
  • Current Mood
    angry angry
running, bomb tech

Shit.

Guess what week it's about to be, if I stick to the 31-day cycle?
running, bomb tech

Done:

I washed the coffee table and washed the glass doors.
Azzcalm, Quiet

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