June 24th, 2003

loud fayoumis


My sleep schedule is so fucked. My body thinks this is something approaching "morning" now.

I ask you.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
loud fayoumis

And yes.

It is possible to herd cats.

It is just very, very, very difficult, and works best with only one cat at a time. And also a hockey stick.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
Santa Lucia, Ritual, _schools16931

Heh. (Mental alchemy, Darkside)

...I'm reading these books because m'love suggested them to me. I'm reading them because I want to understand him better. I'm reading them because I see him, or influences that led to how he built himself, wound all through them.

He wants people to see him as powerful, intimidating, if they don't just look past him. Look-past is his first line of defense. Those who don't see other than the surface see only that, or rather don't see.

Second line: intimidating, fearsome, angry, powerful, strong, prickly, sarcastic, caustic, and indifferent to the emotions of others. (Also, 6'3" or so, in some cases.)

My dear hermit crab.

I could arguably say that I have met the same Darkside that his parents see. More than that, I may have met the Darkside that he ideally wishes to be...

...Is that a good match, when you bring out their own ideal of themself, and they bring out yours? I am reminded of the fanfic that included a most ingenious solution to take care of the Dementors: set them upon each other, the stronger kissing away the life of the weaker and absorbing it; when the two last, strongest Dementors embraced, they were trapped in a mobius kiss for all time, gradually sucking the darkness out of each other, becoming shining, beautiful beings. [If anyone recognizes which fic this is, toss me the link again? Don't remember which fic it was, because the idea was so striking, and so unrelated to the rest of it all.]

Even if I am not lovely in his eyes, I am funny, and kind, and the right kind of crazy to, as unlikely as it is, love him. And in my eyes, he is gentle and handsome and thoughtful and courteous and hilarious... even though he annoys marxdarx on occasion, even though others may find him obnoxious, too loud, overbearing... those things aren't the him that I see.

I'm a chameleon, but for him, I am not inspired to change my skin, as he can see through my skin. (Most people wear masks. I am the mask.) For him, as the person I become on the outside resonates through me as ME, I change inside too, and delight in it...
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy


I'm a smartass to my friends in the morning. I just failed to explain my changeable LJ name to wolfieboy with, "You're not on that book yet."
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
documentation, writing, quill

Buildings are a good analogy for lots of things. (from my comment on a locked post)

Say there was a building that needed to be demolished, for whatever reason. How would most people feel about having some raw inexperienced people with no training laying demolition charges? Heavy demolition charges?

It would freak most people the hell out.

(Let me reiterate. No training. This includes, in some cases, only knowing that "Um, C4 is good for blowing stuff up, right?" Now imagine such a person's attempt to use it.)

It is at this point that many people thinking things through would do things among the following:
-Read up on demolitions themselves
-Get opinions from friends/neighbors who know a thing or two about demolitions
-Ask the advice of a professional.

In recruiting the advice of a professional, should a person who knows exactly jack shit about the actual process be advising, "I think you need to put ten sticks of dynamite right there"?

Perhaps they should say, "See? Building. I think it needs to be taken down. How should this be done?"

Maybe it will take C-4. Maybe dynamite is the thing for the job. Maybe it would be overkill for either of those to be used, and the guy with the bulldozer should come in and clear things out and take away the rubble when it's all done. Perhaps there was just that one beam that was failing, and if that were replaced, the structure could be allowed to stand. In a few cases, there are buried fuel tanks that would go off in very uncontrolled and dangerous ways if the thing were just blown up.

No, the analogy can't be stretched too terribly far, but I think buildings are somewhat less hot-button a topic than psychiatry. (I was raised, incidentally, with the idea that all shrinks were as nuts or more so than anyone dumb enough to go to them.)

Also, I know jack shit about demolition, but enough to know that when the person who's the expert is running like hell, you keep up with them.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
running, bomb tech

What would a talking doll designed after you say?

elynne passed this one on to me.

"Eris, you bitch!" (applicable to both cat and goddess)
"Hold on, lemme write that down."
"Little Fayoumis...."
"Yes, dear?"
"I miss you, Darkside. Buffer error."

Accessories: Hair scrunchy, glasses, sunglasses, palmtop, key lanyard, bus pass, purselike Bag of Holding.

Older models would say:

"Shut up, Shanna!"
"Hold on, lemme write that down."

and the accessories would have hair elastics in place of the scrunchy, no bus pass, no key lanyard, no sunglasses, a strand of beads in the hair, and a notebook and pen in place of the palmtop.
running, bomb tech


You know your head is oddly organized, and you have a really interesting set of friends when one of your friends lets you know that they had a dream with you, and you have to poll all your personalities to see if it seems familiar...
running, bomb tech

Well, done with those books.

Have read Time of the Twins, War of the Twins, and Test of the Twins (Weis and Hickman) in the past few weeks, at recommendation.

Decent books.
running, bomb tech

To do:

living room
running, bomb tech


Now, *that's* a thought I wouldn't have entertained.

Study Asperger's re: Shrimpy.
pretty, Francine


Constructed some pot-pies for marxdarx taking to school. Five of them are Mama's old recipe: hamburger, potatoes, carrots, onions. Three of them are hamburger, spaghetti sauce, and some alfredo sauce.

They're baking right now.

Let's see how they turn out. (I rather fear that there will be very few of them left to take.)

Next time, we're going to be trying pizza dough, and seeing how that does.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished
Little Fayoumis, Nephew

New favorite toy

"Balloon-rockets" are the new favorite toy. The Little Fayoumis gets one balloon, and after I stretch it out for him by blowing it up a few times, his lungs are strong enough to blow it up and release it time and time and time again and again and again.

He's having a delightful time, and learning physics at the same time.

Cheap fun toys are the best.
  • Current Mood
    satisfied satisfied
running, bomb tech


The lightsaber is the new Shoe.
  • Current Mood
running, bomb tech


His friends came to the door. He invited them in without asking; I told him, and them, no.

Now he's in his room crying.

Had a talk with him. Explained how much energy it took for me to watch not only him, but other kids, and explained that I did not have enough energy today, and explained that he was supposed to ask me every time before he invited them in.

All seems to be well.
  • Current Mood
    peaceful peaceful
pretty, Francine

Mmmm, pastry.

Little Fayoumis helped with the pies. Mmm. Most of them will be saved for marxdarx's school lunches, but Little Fayoumis is getting one for supper.

I tasted some of the crumbs from the edges of the crust, and yum. It's easy to make tough pastry, but this was light and flaky and perfect. Yay for us!
  • Current Mood
    satisfied satisfied
pretty, Francine

More sisterly updates...

Shanna was integrated in Spring 2001 (thank Darkside, incidentally), and her inheritors are me (the Azz/Joanie bit) and garnetdagger (who does legendary verbal kicking of ass).
  • Current Mood
    productive productive
running, bomb tech

Self-knowledge, enforced

I really do have a most appalling habit of jumping in and running things for everyone, and then getting called on it, and being sorry about it, having not really realized it... and then I go and do it the next time.

Also, I'm a chameleon. This is getting hammered home to me more and more. I put on the face that's expected, because when I show who I am, I'm not taken well.

When I have to wear many masks, or masks for any length of time, I grow into them. It becomes part of me, extending me. Like adding a library. But these libraries, once added, can't be easily removed, as core functionality starts to use them...

When I'm accepted for who I am, entirely, the needed bits of the libraries begin translating themselves into the main program area, in easy-to-use, simple, elegant format. Then the library isn't used anymore, even though the functionality remains. Eventually, the library is removed, as it's shown that it adds nothing by being there.
  • Current Mood
    drained drained
pretty, Francine

Cleaning my clock

I'm trying to stay up at least until votania gets home from work. I'm about to crash out, and it isn't even eleven yet!

Entertain me?
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy

Pie verdict:

I think that the ones of Mama's recipe are a little under-juicy, that is to say, even dry.

However, the pizza-like ones are good, according to the picky tastes of marxdarx. (He labels himself as picky.) The stars pricked on the top were indeed a nice touch.

I probably need to make pies more often.

Pizza dough for the next batch is actually not such a good plan, as he's not too fond of my style of crusting. (Little Fayoumis would probably eat it up, though.) (Little Fayoumis had a delightful time helping with the pies, and even got to help me a little on cutting stuff up with the sharp knife. My hand was driving, and his hand was on mine helping me.)

Pastwise: "What scraps!"
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished