June 28th, 2003

pretty, Francine

Nope. (m vs. p, platonic)

There's really no room for me in that relationship. They're a wonderful couple together, and unlike her and Darkside, I'm not a part of that bond.

It looks like he looks at me not as backup, not as an extra pair of hands, but as a rival.

(Incidentally, you know that there's something odd when your boyfriend is holding your hand with one hand, with his arm around you with the other hand, and giving you a backrub with his third hand.)

Which is only fair, because if she were oriented that way, I probably would be a rival. Only I don't want to be a rival. I will compete with anyone who wishes to hoard the time and attention of a beloved of mine, and not share. If someone loves a beloved of mine and makes every effort to see that we both get an equitable amount of time with, and we scheme together to make sure that everyone gets the most out of the time... then I don't get jealous and there isn't a problem.

I guess I do have real problems interacting with those who were raised with the bone-deep conditioning that a family had two grown-ups, and a relationship had two parties. I wish I didn't, because that makes me a bigot.

I guess my parents raised me believing that a family was supposed to have those who belonged in it, not with sharply-defined roles. Mama did some things, and FatherSir did some other things. They did some of the same things, they did different things, and there were some things that neither of them did that I wished they had. My expectations of "But only mommies do that!" didn't stay long as it was proved to me that my model of The Way Things Worked was incomplete. FatherSir did that, so FatherSirs did do that, and it wasn't only mommies.

Somehow, that allowed for me to grow up believing that there was room for individuals in relationships. A relationship was not a number of roles that the individuals had to grow to fit, it was a description of how these people acted and felt toward each other...

I like being the extension of another person's will, sometimes. It pleases me to make it so that things get done when everybody but me is exhausted. Darkside would probably consider it scary that in some of the cases, I don't really consider it thoroughly "my" action. Yes, my body, and me agreeing with someone else's good idea, but I wasn't the one with the idea, so I can't take credit for it. I can take credit for having the energy, but...

It's one of those weird things. I make a good medium...
  • Current Music
    CCR: Lodi
documentation, writing, quill

And yeah, I'm tired.

My brain feels unplugged, I'm not tracking my words very well, and, heh.

Interesing meme.


Guidance may be suggested. Some of your writings may not be suitable for some people. Explicit sex and talk of drug use is basically absent; nudity, if present, is shown in a non-sexual way or isnt full nudity, horror and violence does not exceed moderate levels in your writings.

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You guys think that was me?
  • Current Music
    "Choice", Orbital
documentation, writing, quill

Computer haiku

This program's nature
Is the unresponsive stone
Cleanse, and start anew.
  • Current Music
    --despite Y!'s now-legal-in-Texas music client crashing the browser
documentation, writing, quill

*shudder* OK, I see the point already. (Book disrecommendation for a certain few-to-several)

Back on-List a while ago, someone said that they disliked Mercedes Lackey's writing because of a certain stylistic and themeatic habit. Namely, (paraphrased because I can't remember the exact bit of wit), "I can understand authors who have an axe to grind. She, however, leaves off grinding the axe and begins bashing readers over the head with the blunt end of it."

A profound disrecommendation of The Serpent's Shadow to anyone who's fond of Crowley. I only have a passing acquaintance with his works, and was not disturbed by a bit of axe-grinding in The Fire Rose (it came off as "historical fiction with a physically-distant contemporary in an ideological disagreement thinking he's a crackpot" to me, and Mr. Big Bad Wolf was the exact temperament to have firey grudges), but The Serpent's Shadow is clearly the blunt end of the axe, with vague-in-detail-yet-specific-in-venom references that make me wonder whether she has researched more into the opinions held of him by his contemporaries than I have (I get the vague impression, by reading about him in other places, that at least Muggles thought he was pretty damn bad, but I'm not sure what the wizarding world thought), or is just waving the axe around for effect.

When I thought that Lackey didn't necessarily have a grudge against Crowley, I hadn't read this book yet.

(As a Wizard or a Muggle, I don't know how much credence I would give a contemporary of mine who was in and out of drugs, and it looked, in and out of sanity, who claimed that they were the most wicked person on the planet. Even if they wrote brilliantly, I would still likely take pains to avoid them, because only a Lunatic would hang out amongst dangerous crackpots.)
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed
documentation, writing, quill

votania is cleaning off her desk...

...and she is grouching about how stuff gets piled on her desk and she can't work there.

"You're going to have two separate workrooms," I say. "Separated by a glass door..."

"A glass wall!" she agrees. "And the wall will be an aquarium! With fishies in it!"

"But..." I say. "But that's your element!"

"So we'll have red fish!"

Laughter. I laugh until I cough.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
loud fayoumis

*sigh* Backlog...

I have a horrible backlog of e-mail to answer. I need to clean out my archives as well as answer e-mail from friends and relatives... gah.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
documentation, writing, quill

Project Research

I know that many of my readers are US residents or US citizens or at least acquainted with the rather icky political situations going on at the present moment.

Since I'm a lazy writer with no inclination for research myself...

Anyone who cares to dig up little bits of dirt on the Esteemed Resident Dubya Bush (who, like Steady Freddie, did not get voted for by yours truly) may present the items here.

Specifically, I'm looking for pet political projects of his that he managed to get done, much to the dismay of the people who have to live with them.

I'm also looking for choice rhymes ending in -ing.
  • Current Music
    Lions vs. Serpents
documentation, writing, quill


Worked out, finished Serpent's Shadow (the last of my library books) and then headed out to give plasma.

Hot. Hot hot hot.

Ah, bus. Yay, bus? Crowded bus.


Wait. Wait wait.

The lady doing the screening was a n00b, and was therefore slower. My pulse was too high the first try. (Teach me to exercise beforehand!) Then, not enough red blood cells. So, called back into the booth to get another sample. This time there were enough, but I got called back again to get a third sample so she could test the protein.

Then, the donation room. Wait, wait wait wait. The movie about the football team (and also race relations) ended; I kept reading. The movie about the guy with the memory issues started; I kept reading. (Piers Anthony ruined that movie for me, and then BJ finished the job.)

Ice packs for summer are a good plan. I'm very pleased with myself. Also, long sleeves and having no exposed skin and nice big hats are good for me too. I wasn't waiting for the bus for long, though.

Had inspiration strike somewhere in the process, somewhere around or after page 407. We'll see how that pans out.

The rest of the household are still hanging with marxdarx's mother and (!!!!!) future stepdad (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
  • Current Mood
    satisfied satisfied