July 28th, 2003

sad, greensad


love, love, love. no time. notimenotime.

sounds like a fun episode. you keep telling me about all these things you want me to see, and you never sit me down and watch them with me, because you know, or you should know, that that's the only way you'll get me to watch them. I can't sit still for tv. you should know i can't.

no time.

you have time for the phone. you have time for decompressing with games. you have to be home because you said you would for your parents.

no time.

no time no time.

i miss you...
sad, greensad

mrrrp. (quiet meloncholy morning)

Woke up in not much better a mood than I started out in last night.

wibbble, you're exactly right in that I'm doing this to myself. The thing I can't yet seem to manage to convey is that I'd like to be included in things, but only rarely am I up to participating, but I'd still like it to be a viable option rather than having to specially ask to be included. I've grown accustomed to the idea that if I'm not specifically included in things, then I'm probably specifically excluded, because that's the way it's been. I know that after asking if I can come along the first few times, people don't even ask anymore because I never can, but... sometimes I might want to... and by then I'm not included.

Also: do I really give a shit if he loves me or not? Do I even want him to love me? I like him a lot, but it would probably be easiest for both of us if we just continued like this indefinitely. It gets scary and too intense if I actually do love someone with all my heart and they love me back. He's safe. He won't burn me out. He won't hurt me... ...though I don't know what I'll do if he finds someone. Withdraw quietly back inside, I suppose.
horny, Divine Oscillations


No, that /. article was not "Peer to Peer Masturbating". Scrub out mind with soap time.

And I can't even blame Shanna.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad
sad, greensad


It's probably a poorly-planned move to babble endlessly about the person I love to the ex-girlfriend of same.

She has, of course, no love-feelings for him anymore; that, I know without doubt. She's monogamous and with someone else. So that's not the awkwardness. It's just a remarkable freedom from tact.

I never learned these things. I still don't know the rules. I'm still the stranger/foreigner/outsider.

This is a bad morning.
  • Current Mood
    melancholy melancholy
running, bomb tech


There are new people reading this. Hello! Among them are trickofthedark, who I friended first in a burst of fangirlishness, as she's none other than the Didodikali, and olliesmama, who looked interesting and got friended back.

High-volume journal warning... I update more than shadesong and vidicon combined. As there are a zillion and a half people on my friends list, and I read them all, I don't do automatic friendbacks.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake
pretty, Francine


Nice storm brewing out there. Pity I'll probably be in lab for most of it... still, smells nice and makes me feel better.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm
running, bomb tech

Insane expectations

Because I was brought into the world of the Internet largely through the List (email counterpart of lmbujold, high-volume) I got unreasonably high expectations of the 'net.

People use correct and lovely language online; peer pressure keeps this as a standard. Netspeak is, at most, included as one would include loan-words from a foreign language, and is barely present. No one bashes or flames, and if they do, the Wrath of the List is brought down upon them. (Never piss off a restrained and polite Englishman.) Links are relevant and/or interesting. Comments are well-thought-out and insightful, witty, delightful, interesting, hilarious, and so forth. Excessive quoting and forwarding is frowned upon, along with signatures longer than three or four lines, by order of the Quote Pixie. Birthdays are happily celebrated with fanfare, and people in trouble have someone to turn to for advice.

Intelligence and companionship, a pleasant discussion, above all, is prized. Run-on paragraphs are rare. Lack of capitalization is... mostly rare. Discussion of US politics is banned. (If you can cast it on Barrayar or Beta, you can discuss it... there. Forex, Steady Freddy, who no one voted for.)

I love it there, and I wish the rest of the net were a little more like it.
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy

w00t. (Almost all by myself. Unless you count the lab guide.)

Connected to an idle instance.

ORACLE instance started.

Total System Global Area 118255568 bytes
Fixed Size 282576 bytes
Variable Size 83886080 bytes
Database Buffers 33554432 bytes
Redo Buffers 532480 bytes

Database created.

  • Current Mood
Azzgrin, Azure: Lunatic, crazy

Happy geek glee

...and that, mind you, was in less than one hour. The Oracle database setup. I'm so smug my head could explode.
  • Current Mood
running, bomb tech

Oh dear.

The chiller is making Noises of Bad Omen. I'm afraid. Creaky knocky noises.
running, bomb tech

Oh dear.

That rattling noise is still at it in the chiller.

running, bomb tech

Halloween Bash.

Party at the Temple! Halloween night.

Darkside, Dawn, othercat, Sithkitten, digitalambience, eris_raven, hinoai, jedi_rezboy, marxdarx, melcocha, ralmathon, reichiere, shammash, soundsoft_elvy, swallowtayle, votania, easalle, yaksha42: this means you specifically. Anybody else I've forgotten in the area, give me a holler and let me know... [and redshoeson, I think you're going to be off in Ohio?]

And of course, if you're not regularly in the area, but have plans to be doing so around the time, then again, let me know...

Plans: Good food, good company, merriment and laughter. Perhaps anime (when's the UAO Halloween party going to be, reichiere?), and (with this crowd, gods almighty) there will be gaming. Oh, yes, there will be gaming.

Party is probably going to have a semi-potluck side to it. My beef stew tends to go over well, so I'll probably make up a pot of that, and there'll be chips and a veggie tray and so forth. Coordinating on what to bring (soda or chips or a dessert or something) will happen as we approach the party date. I may even make pizza.

We can't get too horribly loud, as there are neighbors, but fun shall be had, yes.