How I know I love you, and why that's a good thing:
I trust you. Somewhere along the line, trust became more important than love. I had to learn it for myself, I guess, and it came late. I didn't trust Shawn or BJ, not fully. I don't yet trust you fully, but the capacity is there. It has to be earned, step by step, not given. I can't give my trust, not that deeply, anymore. I learned from the coinflip that the capacity for you to likewise trust me is there. That eased my heart immeasurably.
You've earned my trust by not harming me, by not abusing my trust of you, by not manipulating me for your gain and my loss. You've earned my trust by protecting me from things you know will harm me. When you do, inevitably, hurt me, you do your best to patch me up better than you found me. You show me parts of yourself that I'd never dream of crowing about. You've earned my trust by learning me, and learning what to do, and not do -- and caring enough to notice in the first place. Many men wouldn't do as much.
Most crushes die down either within a few months, or after getting to know a person sufficiently. Even when there's no crush, or still romance, I reach a comfort level with people: this close, and no closer. I haven't yet reached that with you. I suspect we could share a skin and still not have my comfort level triggered. ( Collapse )
You're good for me. You make me smile like no one else can. You do lots of things that no one else can.
I love you.
It took me twenty years to find you. Well, only sixteen years of active searching. I can name the day I first loved you: the day that votania
was worried about a friend being in trouble, and we joined hands, joined powers, joined souls. I hadn't realized that it could or should be like this... then I realized that it wasn't, usually. It was just you.