January 25th, 2004

running, bomb tech

Silly meme: crush

How many people have a crush on azurelunatic?
The below numbers indicate what sorta crushes people on azurelunatic's friends list have on her/him, as taken from the results of the original LJ Secret Crush Meme.
5.75 friends have a Secret Crush on azurelunatic. This is 1.75 more than in October, 2003. This is greatly above average compared to other users.

1 friend has a Public Crush on azurelunatic. This is 1 more than in October, 2003. This is slightly above average compared to other users.

1 friend has an Ex-Crush on azurelunatic. This is 0 more than in October, 2003. This is slightly above average compared to other users.
Confused by the decimal numbers? This is because someone had one type of crush on them, then changed their mind when they took the secret crush quiz on a different occasion.
How many people have a crush on you?
Secret Crush Meme 3 is twice as badass as Secret Crush Meme 2! With 23,000 new crush quiz responses (45,000 total) and the ability to find out who a user has crushes on!
  • Current Music
    Dropkick Murphys - The Gauntlet
running, bomb tech

Anime Party

Hung out at easalle's. I went there on the bus. I caught the 6:34 Red Line to the mall, and then since I had just shy of half an hour to wait for the 106, I strode over to Trader Joe's to get some chocolate orange sticks, and still had 12 more minutes to wait when I got back to the bus stop before the 7:10 106 Peoria/Shea arrived. By the time I got there (which required a certain amount of "Um..." because there were an awful lot of buildings; fortunately I found a map of the apartment complex after a little bit of wandering), easalle was in an ever so slight tizzy, because I'd said an hour, and it had been 1:40.

JD was there, of course, and wamphyri, and drgnmstrslash, and machinegirl. Chocolate fondue, giggling over Something Awful's photo manips (Lord of the Rings with cars) and assorted anime bits. The rum-and-coke assisted.

After JD got put to bed, we wound up watching FLCL. There was much hooting and hollering. The cats were all over. Eclipse and Pixie are large with nice heavy fur. The other one, whose name I am spacing, is about Eris-sized, but shorter in length. They're all shaggier than our cats, and they're on top of stuff. It's cute. Cats all over!

Then we came home. Yay, Aqua! I've been practicing my dancing skills.
  • Current Music
    Carbon Leaf - The Boxer
running, bomb tech

Books: The DaVinci Code, Snow Crash

Finished up reading whatever it was that I had been reading. Started The DaVinci Code as of Thursday; finished just now. That's one that I'm winding up buying. Left me feeling inadequate at my codebreaking skills, and also powerfully undereducated on matters of art and history. That one deserves to be shelved next to the Illuminatus! trilogy.

Also started re-reading Snow Crash again; looking at it from my perspective on this side of my religious education, I'd say that I should add it to my list of Books Every Would-Be Mage Should Read.
running, bomb tech

Need; philosophy on love, lifebonds

Ever since Halloween, and the events then that may well be filtered, I've been far less needing of Darkside. I still want his company, I still miss him, I still have moments where he's the only one who I feel would understand what I'm going through, who would be able to talk me through it, who I would feel comfortable talking to about it, I still adore him.

And it's still true that when I'm with him, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, to degrees that I wasn't aware existed, before or since. He makes me light up like no one else.

But, the whole that is more than just the sum of the parts -- that is not me. That is not the whole that I aspire to be. As long as I feel that I am not complete in myself unless I am an active part of that sort of Whole -- then I am not complete in myself, and therefore not able to bring that Whole to what it can be. If that makes any sense. By requiring membership in that sort of bond, I limit the power of the bond that I can form.

I think this year is going to be yet another where I don't get to see half enough of him, but I think I'm the stronger for the experience in his absence. I've learned my weakness in grounding, much to my shame, while pondering how much I needed a hug, on the bus the other day. (Monday?)

It is a fallacy that each human is required to be be a member of a bond where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts in order to reach their full potential. It is possible that when each human becomes themselves to the full of their potential, that they open the possibility for all their bonds to be more than the sum of the parts. And probably the being of themselves to their greatest potential includes forming a bond to the fullest extent of the bond... 22s, caught for fun and profit. But the public focus is ever on the bond that is greater than the sum of the parts, rather than the work that goes beforehand to make such a bond possible. It's got the causuality reversed. Instead of 'In order to be a complete person, one must find true love' -- it's 'In order to find true love, one must first be a complete person.'

Or at least the possibility of being a complete person. From my experience with true love at first sight, I know the progression. I was able to deconstruct it, happily, because of the little Star Trek incident. It starts out as infatuation, and then it keeps getting built on, refined, validated, and never reaches a point where disillusionment kicks in and you realize "I never really loved them at all." You can have lust at first sight just as badly for some shithead, but the lust will fade, and the power of True Love is that it never really does die. Time is the only test of True Love, and the ability to last through anything. And that requires work from both parties. You can have a lifebond, a soulbond, but unless you keep it, unless you make it into what it's supposed to be, it won't be. If you've got amazing empathy for your partner, either you'll make it work, end up miserable, or cut the bond in some way, in which case of course it won't have been a "true" lifebond, in that it won't have lasted a lifetime.

I really do need to deconstruct the pyrogenic affair, and how it changed my views on love, later.

It starts out as infatuation, and you either think that's all there is, or you know that infatuation is not all that's needed. It gets deeper, builds friendship, trust, respect. Each stage, either the current stage is regarded as the pinnacle of the possiblity of love, and perfection, or else somewhat short of that. The requirement is not that it be immediately to the highest levels of trust and adoration, but that it be to the reasonable maximum for that stage in the relationship. Two years ago, I trusted Darkside and loved him, and knew that I loved him as I'd never loved anyone before. When I look back now at the enumerations of that trust and adoration, it pales in comparison with the rich and delightful intimacy that exists now. Yet, while it was current, it was the best I'd had.

It builds, it builds. And it's always the most, the best, I've ever felt.

I need him less for daily functionality. I am capable of more intensity thanks to that new independance of function; I feel the loss of the intensity more acutely in his absence. I still need him as much as I ever did, but for different reasons. More deeply, but not as often, in odder places.
running, bomb tech

Meme: Am I a Big Name Fan?

(Criteria: http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamwired/40986.html)

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Total positive points available

fanfiction (points available: 50)
my points: 25
conventions (points available: 40)
my points: 0
fanzines (points available: 30)
my points: 0
fan websites (points available: 30)
my points:
time in fandom (points available: 50)
my points: 0
negatives (points available: -60)
my points: 0

My total points:

0 - 50: You are not a BNF.
running, bomb tech

Meme (new): "Your doctor *what*?!!!?!"

Instructions: Thinking back over your medical history, or that of a close friend or family member, pick out one of the moments that was not a shining victory for the triumph of modern medical science, either through a brain fart of the doctor's, a shite doctor, or a whole area that medical science has its pants down.

I went to the dentist to get several cavities filled. The dentist's usual assistant was sick for the day, so the secretary was filling in. (Evidently she had the credentials too, but was a little out of practice.) Everyone was off their stride. The dentist was in my mouth for a while. Finally, he was done, and he handed me a mirror so I could take a look at my restored mouth.

"What's that hole there for?" I asked, pointing.

"Ooops," he said, and cranked the chair back again, and put in the filling.