February 2nd, 2004

running, bomb tech

Talk about the Passion(s)

rainstorm13 wanted to hear what I was passionate about.

Darkside.
Writing.
Little Fayoumis.
singing.
My computer.
Talking to people and helping people and listening to people.
Sharing what I know that is of use to other people.
Arranging pictures and words so other people can see and hear and feel what I did.
Sex.
Love.
Household.
Alaska.
Science.
Teaching.
Figuring out the intricacies of minds.
My novels.
My Craftwork 101 book for would-be mages.
LJ.
Queer activism, grassroots.
Political, ditto.
running, bomb tech

The subject line "parenting tip for the not-so-hip" is surely a Red Meat cartoon title.

Nevertheless.

Child, ready for school in the morning.

"Do you have everything you need for school?" is asked.
The answer is usually "Yes."
Upon inspection, the kid is actually not.

This is normal. This is perfectly normal. Your brain isn't up to speed yet? Great, neither is theirs.

Do point out what they are missing (and why it is necessary if it's non-obvious). Try to avoid telling the kid that they are lazy, messy, forgetful, or anything that you want them to not be. Telling them that they are will convince them that they are, not make them work to change it. Telling them that it helps if they're more alert, and try to remember things more will help in the long run, and calling them on it every time is necessary.

(Except, of course, for cases where you've had to remind them about something they keep forgetting for more than a week or more than a month. If it's sufficiently non-critical (forgetting mittens/hat in Alaska is a Bad Thing; forgetting homework is not life-threatening), you may want to tell them that you're going to stop reminding them about it, and that they'll have to remember on their own. Then, of course, you must not remind them the next time, and let them go to school without whatever it was.)

Often, "I think you're forgetting something" is sufficient clue to have them look around and figure out for themselves what it is that they're missing without you having to tell them. When they're used to figuring it out for themselves from that cue, then asking them if they're all ready may cause them to do a self-check, and may get actual results.
running, bomb tech

Behaviorist, kid care

I'm often going to be using behaviorist philosophies on kid care.

I think there are two things one wants to do when raising a kid. One wants to have the kid understand what they're supposed to do, and one wants the kid to actually do what they're supposed to do.

With a sufficiently bright kid, explaining what you want them to do and why is going to have them understanding it. You may have to take it to several levels on the "why", and that may lead to you challenging your own parenting assumptions, but if you really want a kid to do something, they've got to want to do it themselves, and understanding that it's something that will benefit them is going to help with them wanting to.

The other half, of course, is getting the kid actually doing it. Understanding it alone will provide impetus for maybe up to five instances of the kid actually doing it, if you're lucky. If you're not lucky, the kid will understand the theoretical portion of it, and still won't want to do it, because there's no immediate benefit for doing it. So you have to make it a habit, or provide motivation in some way.

And that's where the behaviorist stuff comes in. You tell the kid that the ultimate goal is whatever the ultimate goal is, and part of the way to get there is to get this task (whatever it is) done. And part of that is making something or other so it happens every time. I believe in getting consent from the kid for the conditioned change in their behavior.

For quite a while, Little Fayoumis was having trouble responding to hails when he was focusing on something else. Most kids who can attain that level of focus do. I explained to him that we wanted him to respond when we called his name. He already understood the theory. The theory was doing him absolutely jack when he was focused elsewhere. So, we went briefly over the theory once again (reinforcement is often good) and then we practiced.

"When I say your name, you say, 'What?', okay?"
"Okay!"
"Little Fayoumis?"
"Um, what?"
"Yay!"
*massive giggling from Little Fayoumis*

"Little Fayoumis?"
"...what?"
"Yay!"
*glee from LF*

"Little Fayoumis?"
"What?"
"Yay!"

We repeated this for what was probably about five minutes, and we continued testing it throughout the day. He got to accept the "Yay!" as a valid reward. (Giving a kid a large reward on a regular basis, though it may be satisfying for both, isn't a good precedent to set, as they'll expect large rewards as their right thereafter, and unless you're prepared to continue this for a long time if not forever, avoid it.) He now expects cheering (clap hands, "Good job", "Yay!" and the like) when he does well on something, which is a reasonable reward, and can be given as many times as necessary without a problem. (Unless, of course, sore throat or sore hands or something.)

Regular re-evaluation by the kid as to why they're doing something is a good thing. This helps eliminate the rat-on-treadmill problem. "Do you know why you're washing your hands?" "Because it's good?" "What makes it good?" "It does good things?" "What is the good thing that it does?" "...it's good?" "It gets the germs off your hands. Germs make you sick. So, you wash your hands so you won't get sick." "Oh."


I think it's unethical to condition someone who is capable of giving consent without their consent. I think that conditioning a kid to do something without having them consent first isn't going to get the results either of you wants, and is going to open them to manipulation later. If they're used to having their conditioning regularly explained and agreeing that yes, it's a good thing, they are more likely to reject uninformed, unconsented conditioning later.
running, bomb tech

test: way to piss me off

When I take a test, I want to know every question I got wrong, what my mistaken answer was, and what the correct answer was.

This will enable me to learn from the test, versus fear the test.


I don't know of any tests recently that have pissed me off like so, but I figured I'd share.
running, bomb tech

Meme

ladyjaida wants to know whether we're male or female. With a link back to her post. And, go and comment in her journal with a link to your post.

MEME
Where did you first see this meme? ... crud. Not sure. I'll say thegraybook.
Are you male or female? Female.
Post your memelink HERE ( http://www.livejournal.com/users/ladyjaida/272230.html?mode=reply )
/MEME

And, if you really want to, you can write some telegram fic. (Rules for telegram fic: All caps. 9 words. In addition to the 9 words/telegram, you may indicate sender/receiver, context, and the punctuation STOP (to indicate a period) or FULLSTOP (end of the message). If you must use more than 9 words, that is a hefty extra charge to send the telegram.)
running, bomb tech

Yay for teachers

Little Fayoumis came home from school reporting that he had gotten asked about the scratches on his face and chest. He was a little confused about the chronology of the events. He'd thought it was Thursday -- Saturday -- Friday -- yesterday -- Saturday -- something like that.

I'm glad to see that the teachers at this school care enough so that they do ask what happened to kids who come in looking off their form or injured, and also that they don't seem to go all ballistic if a kid does same and has a logical and normal-sounding reason for it.
sad, greensad

Creeping Crud

As if it weren't enough, I got a case of the Creeping Crud today. I was noticing it yesterday (and maybe the day before that), how I was doing a bit of the coughing, and definitely some wheezing by yesterday.

Today, after walking out to get the Little Fayoumis from school, I started with the aching all over. That's not normal. Oh, and the being too cold bit too.

Fortunately for me, I have warm stuff with cube of beef gunk in, and nice plain bread to have with that.