April 4th, 2004

loud fayoumis

More things I want to kill

Turns out that ClearSearch was the culprit. It's allied with Lycos, by the way. My computer seems to be running just fine now, without a pop-up every two pages.
  • Current Mood
    pissed off pissed off
running, bomb tech

States of the Lunatic:

Alaska, Arizona.

But more topically, at work, asleep, asleep, asleep, at school, at work, running after small fayoumi with my hair not quite catching fire yet, and the like. Friday I worked afternoon to evening, and then had computer problems. Saturday I worked morning to mid-afternoon, and then crashed, still with computer problems, and today I worked morning to evening (volunteered to take a double shift, at an effective $9/hour to sit on my arse and write, it's worth it if I've gotten enough sleep) and now here I am again.

Discovered a something interesting at work. I learned that not all people have the same sense of "This shit is over the line" when dissing a (deservedly) unpopular co-worker (the one who alienates even the nicest members of the workplace) as I do. I felt so uneasy about it, and personally threatened, that I went to a supervisor with the situation, not naming names, and then promptly went into mild shock, complete with the lips turning dead white and extremities starting to feel like they were freezing.

I get this physical reaction most of the time when I'm plunged into an emotionally intense confrontation with authority/confrontation with others type situation. I suspect I'm probably not alone in having this sort of reaction. I'd also imagine that people who say, "It's not that bad, just do it and get over your fear," when someone mentions that they're afraid to contact an authority over some unacceptable happenings, might take a doctor's note saying, "When this person is thrust into a confrontational situation, they go into shock and should be treated for same," a lot more seriously. I was having a physically worse reaction to informing my supervisor about a genuine workplace problem than I did when my dear roommatesister was spending a few days in the hospital after a collapse brought on by extreme job stress. The day she landed in the hospital, I was telling Darkside the Eagle Scout about the situation on the phone, and he interrupted my spinning brain, sharply inquired as to what was going on with me, and sternly told me to wrap up in something warm, have some hot tea, and get myself to bed pronto, because I sounded shocky. I didn't notice that, because it was normal for me to do under stress. I noticed this, because this was colder than usual, and I was far less coherent than usual. If you notice that you're incoherent when you're in shock, and you're in shock ... then you're probably pretty incoherent. I was cold enough that I felt my supervisor sit down in the chair next to me before I saw him, because I could feel his body heat on my skin, and he was a good foot away and not typically radiating heat. I was also so non-coherent that I was half-expecting a hug, because at that moment he was pinging a hell of a lot like my big bro.

Immediately after he told me that it was not cool for them to have been saying that, and told me what I could do about it in the future, I warmed back up again. Just like that.