July 7th, 2004

Housewife's Lament

More householdery

Went by the bookstore. Got some books, including Chinese and Japanese cookbooks. Got interrogated about my star by some random guy. He sounded Clueless, and/or spoiling for one of those Uncomfortable Possibly Confrontational Discussions About Religion that wearing the five-pointed star sometimes gets you in.

I fended off anything like that with some history -- the oldest meaning of the five-pointed star that I know was the Sumerian, meaning (simplified) "human", and then it meant, later, man standing upright under God (I demonstrated), and lately it's been adopted by some of the neopagan religions.

And, actually, Mr. Clueless, the Star of David has six points. So we talked about the various different number of points on stars. It would have been a lot nicer if I hadn't been creeped out by the guy, for no discernable reason.


River wasn't in, so we didn't get his afghan to him. The John I e-mailed turned out to be the right John, and I called, and I chatted with Jez a bit, and we'll be dropping by tomorrow. Yay!

My room's almost ready to have stuff stacked back in there, but I want full access to my books to weed out the ones I don't want. I have an impressive pile in the bin to take to the used book store tomorrow. I have the feeling that tomorrow is going to be one errand after another, and I really should get some sleep.

I'll be meeting Tay-tay in the baggage claim at Sea-Tac on Thursday around noonish, and we'll be hanging for a little while between flights.

I want to stop believing in the things that I can only see out of the corners of my eye at this hour of the night because a) I know I'm prone to hallucination when I'm tired, and b) if some of the things I think I might have seen I actually did see, there are more things that I didn't see that I should have seen, and not everything out there is friendly, and I don't want to get shredded by something that I do believe in when not-believing will make it go poof.

My parents have been very glad to have me visiting, and my willingness to clean my room has evidently been astonishing. (Maybe they didn't note that there was a personality swapover in the interim, and that they're dealing with the inheritor of Shanna rather than the inheritor of Joan-prime, which would be Marah.) Evidently my insights on helping deal with problem children are also useful. (I've been dealing with the Little Fayoumis, and he would be a problem child if I let him. Half or more of this new patience has been learned to help deal with him...)

There is crud in my lungs. There is crud in my ears. Damn straight it had better all get out before Thursday morning.

I woke up Tuesday to a bald-faced hornet trying to buzz its way out through the screen on the window in the cabin. I was Not Amused, and trapped it in the glass peanut-butter jar that used to hold only matches. Now it holds one irritated bald-faced hornet and the thing that it had been carrying as a little snack. Mama will try to remember that it's in there so that it doesn't sting her later when she tries to light the fire in the stove in the cabin this winter.

Arrows of the Queen is more detailed and interesting than I remember it being.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake
running, bomb tech

Hanging Out

If some of the LJ friends I have are "my peeps", then Jez is one of my old hens. She and I were two of a cluster of three gamers' wives who spent time clucking around together back in 2000.

It'll be good to see her.
twilight, Fairbanks to Phoenix, two worlds

Almost done...

Well. My room has been cleaned, two of the bookshelves have been moved, I got to see John and Jez (we agreed that Kermit the Frog would be the best person to elect President, though we couldn't agree on Bush vs. Kerry) and meet their kids, we got to see the people of the dog yard next door (Taily, the guy says hi, even if I don't remember to tell you that in person), I got to say hi to the Country Kitchen people (the redheaded lady recognized me), and I got to see the three little girls next door.

I'm packed, all but the clothes I'm in right now, my lunch, and the nightgown I'll wear tonight.

I'm almost ready to leave.

I haven't gotten any photographs, having left my camera. I don't know when I'll return. The middle kid next door has stuff up on FictionPress.com, and is urging me to come hang out over there. (I remember when they were tiny little things...)

Mama's zonked. FatherSir's halfway between wired and zonked. I saw moose my first night here, and then a moose this morning, and then the teenage mother and her twins cantering down from the garden sometime this afternoon.

I had to get pissy on some asses in note_to_cat this afternoon. I really do not appreciate interruption of my vacation.

FatherSir's making cannibal jokes. Mama's cleaning up the bathroom. I have 22 pieces of spam. I'm bringing home rhubarb, books, a sweater, salmon, and sandwiches. I came here with two bags, and I'll be checking in only one coming home. Mama got the shirts, and Jez got the afghan. River still hasn't gotten his, but I have faith in Mama's ability to track him -- or his mother -- down to get his to him.

I love Alaska, and I'm sorry to leave, but I'll be coming home to 110 degree weather, no rain (did it rain while I was gone?), my Miss Kitten, and a seven-year-old who will be armed with an arsenel of new knock-knock jokes to try out on us. Erk.

And, I'm bringing home my Korman books.

I may even recruit fresh blood to LJ, who knows...
  • Current Music
    Mama brushing her teeth
Eris Raven, Marah

Politics, health care, poverty, and critters.

I'm not a bleeding-heart. I was raised too practical and pragmatic for that to ever happen. Things die, there aren't enough resources well-organized enough to go around, and the best we can do is sometimes all we can do.

My mother, despite not thinking she was doing so, raised me with a strong belief in reincarnation. I was raised with chickens. I was raised with geese. I was raised with ducks.

I really, really, really can't stand interacting with the sort of people who see taking an animal that you can't take care of properly to an animal shelter as murder, murder most foul, and then will screech loudly about it to the rooftops. Yes, often the animal will die. Sometimes, someone else can take the animal. Sometimes the animal has a debilitating and painful medical condition. Unless that person was there in person and knows the whole situation inside and out -- there are a lot of grey areas. A lot. Domestic cats and dogs loose on the streets are really not a good thing. Domestic cats and dogs living with people who can't take care of them is not a good thing.

I think spending a hundred dollars or more on a purebred fancy something-or-other when there are cats and dogs just as nice and friendly and pretty at the animal shelter or stray is a really dumb idea. I think leaving your critter reproductively intact if you're not planning to breed it is a pretty dumb idea as well. I think spending money you can't afford on medical treatments for a pet is also a pretty dumb idea. I understand people who have pets who are as beloved as family members spending money they can't afford on medical treatments -- but I do not think that this should be the standard that others are held to.

Honestly, until all the humans in this world are getting a developed-world-acceptable level of healthcare, my first priority is not on animal healthcare, including the situations where someone knows an animal is sick and can't take proper care of them and takes them to a shelter.

I have not had an eye exam for three years, going on four this fall. My school insurance does not cover eye care, nor does it cover reproductive care. I had a pap smear and female exam three years ago. $100+. I haven't been with my job long enough to get their health insurance. I haven't had a general health checkup in at least four years. I saw a doctor in 2001 for a bad case of Swimmer's Ear -- I get this when stressed. I've had flare-ups a few more times in the past three years, but haven't had the cash on hand to see a doctor. Fortunately, the medication left over after the full course of treatment from last time was still effective. Dental care isn't covered by my school insurance either. I'd be in constant pain right now if my parents weren't helping take care of me on that front. Even so, the filling that fell out two years ago hasn't been replaced, and will probably stay not replaced until I can find a dentist that doesn't suck. (I think sorcha007 found one. The last dentist almost left a filling un-filled until I pointed it out, and when it fell out two days later I was too pissed off to go back.)

This is reality. Welcome to it. You, who flame away at "I can't take proper care of my cat, so I'm taking it to the shelter" -- may you take a good deep fresh breath of "I'm in constant pain but I don't have the money to see a doctor so I'll live with it until it goes away or until it gets so bad that I have to go to an urgent care facility and then eat bills I can't afford either." I wouldn't actually wish that you experience this yourself, mind, but be aware, if you're living in a sheltered existence, that this is what happens. My priorities are not your priorities, and for-fucking-give me for not wanting to share the details of my situation and reasoning when I say that something is not possible for me.


If I learned that eris_raven had cancer or some such thing, and the cost of treatment would be $1,000? I'd cry my eyes out, but in our current financial situation, it just wouldn't happen. We'd take the best care of her at home that we could, but when it came time, we'd take her to the vet, and I'd hold her until the end. Hell, I'm crying just thinking about it. She's my raven-girl. She's my Calico. She came back to me. And I'd have to let her go again. I'd have to let her go knowing that there was something I could do to help her, but I couldn't give it to her. But that's reality. That's the world I live in.

Sometimes reality just fucking sucks.
  • Current Mood
    not from Earth