November 5th, 2004

running, bomb tech

Curiousity probably started a flamewar.

Did anybody out there on my friends list/who reads me at least semi-regularly, vote in direct support of legislation explicitly banning same-sex marriage? (A vote for Palpatine is a vote for order; a vote for Bush is a vote against same-sex marriage, but this is about actual votes against same-sex marriage.)

(And, if you did, could you perhaps explain first, why you did so, and second, why you're reading my journal, as this journal, in case you hadn't noticed what with the girlfriend and all, isn't exactly a haven of homophobia.)
bondmates, sigil

Writing group night: word count, employment, musings on boundaries of the sacred, and social bits.

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Things that are good: Godiva chocolates.
Things that are not so good: melted Godiva chocolates.
Things that are good: freezers.

At Coco's afterwards, we learned that not only had Josh quit a while ago (we'd known that) but Orlando, the flirtatious waiter, had been fired. That made me feel weird. I'd come in a touch late, and had heard most of it secondhand (or possibly third or more, since the server didn't look like a primary source), but evidently "too friendly" was somewhere in the mix.

Where do you draw the line? The Lady's honest truth of it is, even though I knew the flirtation that was directed at me was going nowhere, and even though I was occasionally playing along, I was made profoundly uncomfortable. How do you teach a woman to say, "Actually, even though I like you just fine, that just crossed a line"? I think I would be more willing to express my boundaries in a private situation. In private, the training is very clear. Boundaries raise their alarms, and you listen to that, or you could die. In public, though, in a situation that is made safe by the presence of other women who are not alarmed on your behalf, there is no physical incursion being made...

How do you train a woman to say, "Actually, my heart is given, and it's not a topic to be toyed with, even in jest"? There are some things too sacred to be poked at and then brush it off with an "Oh, I was just playing." Many people put religion in that class, the too-sacred-to-touch file. Just thinking about it, I get the twinge down in my diaphragm that means that there's some unhealed soul-wound that needs cleaning, and probably more mulling over, and a post of its own.

No, I don't think he deserved to be fired. But I can very easily see how something that he intended as fun in no ill will could violate those invisible boundaries that don't always set off audible alarms when touched. I can very easily see someone whose boundaries were pressed close and stepped over raising a racket. I can very easily see how that could lead to a termination.


easalle's friend Zeke showed up at Coco's with his laptop. A good time was had by all. I am relieved that Zeke and I have demonstrated that, despite past unpleasantness, we can interact civilly in a public place. (Not that I was expecting bad things to happen, because Jenn would have made firey doom rain down upon our heads if anything went badly, but I was not expecting to see him.) This, too, probably deserves a meta-post about my long memory and caution in the context of any given unpleasant encounter.


I'm very meta tonight, and I still need to get some sleep. Hooray, sleep.
running, bomb tech

Political Visibility: getting out from undercover.

constantine: To Gays and Lesbians On Why They Need To Get Black

Seriously, I ran into this, as a pagan, with undercover Christians. I seriously thought that all Christians were the Enemy, because I'd never met a genuinely nice person who turned out to mention that they were Christian.

Now I've got Darkside, Dawn, sionainn, kellinator, wiredferret, theferrett, and others who have proved otherwise to me.

Religion and sexual orientation isn't generally obvious on one's skin the way race often is. It's up to us to make it obvious. Unless the prejudices of one's family, friends, and co-workers are stronger than their established liking/respect for you, they may well take it in stride. (Two notable exceptions: when an underage teen declares their sexuality, a responsible family member may feel it their duty to re-guide a clearly misguided youth; when one's co-workers already dislike one, being of a religion/orientation they don't like either is likely to make things worse rather than better.)

I have some Very Visible buttons on my Purple Hat, and I'll be wearing that, now that it's cool enough.