March 31st, 2005

twilight, Fairbanks to Phoenix, two worlds

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I don't have to worry about being woken up at odd hours by other household members, because there are no other household members. (I do still have to worry about being woken up by telephones, neighbors, natural and/or unnatural disasters, and the alarm clock, but that's another story. The alarm clock qualifies as an unnatural disaster, incidentally.)

I shop for myself. I don't have to worry about budgeting for things that other people eat that I don't eat. I don't have to worry about taking other appetites into account when getting perishable treats such as the container of strawberries that I haven't entirely devoured yet. (Erk, since they're slightly frozen, I think I have the refrigerator temperature a touch low.)

I am the only person using certain items such as the laundry quarters, the laundry soap, the toilet paper, paper towels, shampoo, soap, garbage bags, the long distance on the telephone, the electricity ... if it has to be refilled, I will be the one doing the refilling, and I will be the one who does not suddenly realize that someone who does not have the responsibility for it has been using it so that when I need to use it, it isn't there -- and this is good. I have both control and responsibility.

No one else is messing up my kitchen. No one else is leaving the seat in unusual positions in my bathroom. (I did not previously share a bathroom -- the bathroom was my domain. When a bathroom is not equally shared between persons of differing bathroom habits, it is meet to put the items back as previously set.) No cats are rampaging through my laundry, laundry that often is carefully stored on the floor.

No one else stacks dishes in the sink. No one else touches the sink, for that matter.

The apartment's smaller, of course, but I have more space that's unquestionably my space. I don't have to worry about coming in late and waking people up. I have friends from work who drop by, and I socialize with my writing group.

One of these days, I'll come to terms with the idea that yes, I'm a grown-up.
twilight, Fairbanks to Phoenix, two worlds

Priestess & Poetry

trystan_laryssa listened to a few things I had to say, and asked me if I was now, or at any point planning to be, a priestess, because of the details of said things.

Some bit ago, I got the memo that yes, I will eventually be that -- however, before that happens, I will have to do a few things. One of those things is determining which deities are in fact the ones that I'm meant to be pledged to. Even though Eris and Aphrodite both have an interest in me, and Raven and Chameleon seem to have both an interest in me -- Raven by birth, it seems, and I was marked by Chameleon recently -- I have not specifically been dedicated to a full-time devotion/service to any one or few deities.

It's something that will be happening, but it's not something that I'm in the mood to rush. I have the feeling that it's a thing that wouldn't react well to being rushed at any rate.

Tonight's writing group exercise saw me writing things to people, things I would regret not having said to them if they should die before I say them. I had a few things to say to Figment, and a lot of things to say to Darkside. When I cornered the Figment on the phone, I read his to him.

Interestingly enough, Figment had been contemplating a letter he'd like to write to Darkside, in case he should die before he ever gets the chance to meet Darkside. He'd decided against it, though, on the grounds that the things he had to say might scare Darkside off. I reviewed his proposed content, and told him that actually, honestly, the things he had to say, if they were said to Darkside posthumously, wouldn't scare Darkside off if he were actually actively interested. The only way those things could scare Darkside off would be if he weren't interested, and then, scaring him off would be unnecessary, as he'd already be edging away. The language Figment picked to express all of it was lovely, and not entirely like his usual (occasionally halting) diction. I got the feeling that there was Something working with him on it.

I've been getting a very strong inclination to have things move, and resolve themselves one way or another. There's an urgency behind it. There are time limits, time limits that could make profound differences in people's lives.
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sad, greensad

Death

Rest in peace, Terri.

Will the rest of this country come up with some sane and coherent laws on death soon? The United States is not making sense at all right now. The general idea seems to be that a) Terri should have had a clean, quiet, and medically merciful death as soon as her next-of-kin decided that she was not coming back, or b) Terri should have been maintained indefinitely in her medical limbo to preserve what life she did have, at least as long as she had some next-of-kin (if not all) willing to be there for her. No one except some cruel idea of balance was satisfied with the removal of her feeding tube and her subsequent lingering death from dehydration and starvation. This attempt to please all has resulted in none being satisfied, and a rather loud contingent of the unsatisfied making themselves very, very unpleasant.

Since I don't honestly think it's likely that the US government is going to get sane or consistent about death in any way (the latest WTF? moment seems to involve the stoppage of expensive medical care against the parents' wishes on a child who had a viability likely greater than Terri's was) probably the best thing that will come out of this mess is that a generation of people will be far more likely to express their wishes to their next-of-kin in case the unthinkable should happen.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_will
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    sad sad