April 28th, 2005

bleeding, Ryoko


I hear via one of the mailing lists that I'm on that there's evidently a mental illness management technique that involves making lists of one's early symptoms on the way to disagreeable endpoints, and making sure that your therapist has this list, and someone trusted who sees you enough to spot these things has it as well.

In theory, this allows your loved one to look at you, see the signs of a state-change, and look at the list, and tell you, "Dear, you're doing this, that, and the other, and you have these written down as early warning signs of Bad Things." And, with all good luck, this will be enough to help halt the onset of Bad Things, and have whatever sorts of interventions (meds tweak, extra therapy session, a few more sessions in the gym, a good long hot bath and cry, a much-needed few hours off, a chat with someone who doesn't mind venting, whatever works) to halt the progress of Bad Things before they get really bad.

Darkside used to do that for me. He'd see me every weekday morning, and he got to know my warning signs better than I did. And every time I started doing something he thought was a bad sign, he'd call me on it, and demand to know what was wrong. And he'd probe and pry until he found out what it was that was causing me to act oddly, even if it was only something little.

It's the little things that get left untreated that can cause some of the most subtle sneaking problems.

Figment's starting to be able to do that some of the time, but we're trying to resist becoming too close to each other, still. Even though he's let me closer than he's let almost anyone else. I'm starting to be able to call him on things like that, though I don't have the benefit of a written list like the formal technique does.

LJ's been a good tool for that for me, even though reading my past output when in a bad brain-state is painful. I can compare myself to the past, see the improvement, and track when I'm starting to go wonky if I notice a few key things.

A heavy amount of posting, from me, is actually a good sign, especially if I haven't been writing much elsewhere. Writing elsewhere and posting the best stuff to LJ is a good sign. A day without posting is either a really bad sign, a sign of being far too busy to do anything (which will be followed up by a lot of posts), or an indication that I don't have internet access.
  • Current Music
    rustlings from the neighbors


One of the questions that someone who wears wings gets asked, enough to sometimes drive people bats, is this:

"Are those real?"

There are any number of answers to that, of course, ranging from the truthful to the snarky and beyond.

A creative response that occurred to me a while ago:

"They're prosthetic. I've got to wear them until my real ones grow back in."
  • Current Music
    Thalia humming to herself
Housewife's Lament

Whee, household stuff!

I had to do laundry, because I was not about to go to work braless, no matter how much certain bondmates might appreciate the bouncy-bouncy. And doing laundry reminded me about the mirror in the closet, so I took the risk of noise and found the hammer and the picture-hangers and made sure the thing is now secured to the wall at the top so it won't fall over, even though the base is still resting on the dresser.

The box of items from the fallen cabinets that was in the closet is now fully unpacked, if not fully put away. At least it's now all out in the kitchen/pantry areas rather than sitting in the closet where it can do no one any good whatsoever.

My whiteboard has been re-organized. I use the whiteboard as another prosthetic brain, and it helps when I have everything where it's supposed to be, organized with like items so I can find the one I'm looking for right off the bat. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to keep the Celtic Potter's number up there so I can refer random callers for marxdarx to that number as being a more appropriate way to get in touch with him. Perhaps until July or August?

I wound up going through my e-mail inbox at some length, because I had over one hundred messages in there. I dealt with enough of them to bring the inbox tally somewhere below 75, which is what I was aiming for. Some things need attention, and some things don't. I got some community maintenance done; look for some changes over at note_to_cat on the userinfo page, especially the list of things that should be cut, and the associated post regarding cut tags over tragedies.

Figment's water situation should have been fixed as of today. This will mean that while he will still be taking the bus, at least he will also be able to take showers at home, and not have to come and visit me to see that he gets clean. Not that visiting me means that he will get clean, with how dirty our minds can get.

Dishes have been done; they're waiting on drying off to be entirely put away. I shall vacuum -- later. Like, sometime tomorrow.

It probably will help me if I write down my meal plan(s) for the day on the whiteboard so I don't space them. Like, there are things in the refrigerator I have to use or else they will go blooey, like the chocolate pasta with chocolate and raspberry sauce. (V brings home interesting things. I intend to share with Figment.) Breakfast seems to be intended to be salad. I am to hope that this all works out well.

This work week is going to be very intense. I'm doing check-in 3/4 days, and the 4th, where I'm on the phones, will be Saturday, the 10 hour shift. On the bright side, if the Dendarii Brewing Co. survey is still the #1 priority, I'll get to sit next to Figment for the last two hours, yay! On the dark side, guess who I probably won't get a chance to call and talk to that day?

So. Supper dishes in the sink and rinsed, waterbottle refilled, stuff prepared for tomorrow, and ... bed! Yay!
  • Current Music
    early-morning traffic; the ticking of the clock
phone, cordless phone

Whee, work. Whee, home.

Tonight was an early night, compounded by the fact that I wasn't doing check-in after all. There was a bit of a seniority thing going on -- having me as check-in would have sent one of the senior staff-who-are-staff to the phones, so I wound up on the phones.

I did get 9 surveys in less than 7 hours on the one survey, though, which is a nice thing.

The Tale of Woe about Figment's car (minus some of the juicier details like the little details leading up to the complete and catastrophic engine failure, like the fact that he had plenty of warning to put oil in but was conflictingly informed and wound up taking the wrong advice) is spreading throughout work.

Trader Joe's Queen Monitor wound up being next to me on the phones today (until she was pulled to help train the latest class of n00bs). Yay! She heard about my weekend, and pried as to whether or not there was something going on between Figment and me.

"Not exactly," was probably not the best answer I could have given. I wound up explaining -- ordinarily I'd be very interested in him, except -- he's LDS and I'm ... (I paused for a few long beats, enough time to let her size me up in all my black-clad, silver-starred, plum wine lipsticked glory) ... not.

That was enough right there. Heh. LDS/Pagan != OTP, at least from the viewpoint of most random observers. Yay, the casual observer.

If I'm not check-in tomorrow, I may well be helping out with training n00bs, and/or monitoring. We'll see.
  • Current Mood
    busy busy