September 20th, 2005

trust, best friends forever, snot-nosed brats

A day, complete with the Darkside!

When I called on Saturday, Darkside's mom told me that the top two things I could do to help were come and take Darkside out for tea or something, and pray.

Praying, we have a handle on. Visiting him, that's a little more complex when there's a situation like the existing oneCollapse )
running, bomb tech


I finally learned the crucial bits about Darkside's schedule these days: when he wakes up, and when he gets out the door in the mornings. He and I don't have many hours of simultaneous wakefulness, and even less simultaneous sleep. (And it says a lot about my attachment to him that I'd re-work my sleep schedule for him should it become an issue. Body-things don't change easily.)

He and I really do need some overlapping days off. We need regular time together, drat it. Neither of us is getting any younger.

I am Geek in that I count time curled up next to him while he's blowing off random stress on random video games as Quality Us Time. It's nice quiet time together, isn't it? Not much different than both reading together, and that used to be one of the highlights of my mornings.

There are a couple words I'm fighting not to say. It's not like I have overt encouragement or anything. I just have the cryptic actions of some family members, the little things that aren't said, and an utter disinclination in any other directions. But if it comes down to that, if I'm dared to put my future where my mouth is ... it's nearly been a year, after all. And anger and angst and impatience do stupid things. But a crazy plural bisexual mono/poly girl knows that the only way to tell truth from wishful thinking is to see what repeats. This -- this will be five years in January. Most of the crazy's fallen off, now. Fine wines, good cheeses, and the finest of cheesy romance are all aged this way, patience stretched past the breaking point, patched and spun and stapled back together with an ancient red stapler and pasted together with rubber cement and hope.

Now is not the time for anything other than patience. And I have patience.
  • Current Music
    Ernie Cline - Nerd Porn Auteur
Housewife's Lament


The Politics of Housework

I recognize too much of this from when Marxdarx was living with us. Unfortunately. I think part of the problem stemmed from the fact that the line between "working on 3D stuff at home" and "playing around on the computer all day" is rather ambiguous to the untrained observer, especially when 80% of the time when the untrained observer pokes her head in, there's a game or some random internet site open rather than the 3D program.

That is not a current issue, though, and it's still too recent for me to talk about the time period without bitterness. Honestly, he'd not have been more than a dubious roommate if not for the conflicts over the Little Fayoumis. I took my duties as a full-time aunt seriously, and I keep wanting to have been more.
  • Current Music
    R.E.M. - You Are the Everything

Lemming: poetry!

When there is poetry on your friends list, it's only polite to contribute some of your own favorites!

1. O I forbid you, maidens a',
That wear gowd on your hair,
To come or gae by Carterhaugh,
For young Tam Lin is there.

2. There's nane that gaes by Carterhaugh
But they leave him a wad,
Either their rings, or green mantles,
Or else their maidenhead.

Collapse )
  • Current Music
    - ilostthemoon
Dark Side of the Moon, Pink Floyd

The little things start to consume my life, and it is more enjoyable for that.

If there is not an anime made of the French Revolution, there needs to be. There are so many beautiful people and so many striking characters and so much shouting and blood -- it just needs to happen. (And if it's already happened, where may I find it?)

What is Fnord?

Butler Rangers!

Nerd Porn Auteur: "First I want to copy her Trig homework, and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her for hours and hours until she reluctantly asks if we can stop because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica."

Outgrabe has some Tam Lin love for those with working download-fu.

Katrina: The Gathering (now with new additions)

(and the far less classy)

PMS Advisory System

"Big Secret" -- Fred. George. Male Enhancement Products. A quasi-hapless Draco Malfoy. Pr0n.
  • Current Music
    Chumbawamba - One by One
bondmates, sigil

Current mental state, copy & condensation from a comment

Father and son are too much alike. So I have beyond-the-norm understanding of why Lady Malfoy and Malfoy Senior are so close. I'm going wildly back and forth between two polar opposite emotions. I'm skating the edge of so frantically worried that I'm about to slip into shock. (It's probably bad that I know the symptoms of shock so well from the inside.) I'm also skating the edge of wildly elated that Darkside is letting me in, and that Lady Malfoy has me on her list of people who get the full medical details rather than just the correct-but-incomplete-and-far-less-worrying wave-off. I'm not even sure if Darkside heard one of the things she's told me. But. The circumstances. So I'm actually in the numb-and-strong response, mostly, which is my typical Functional response to disaster. I'm awfully good at being Functional. And I think they do need someone about who is used to being a pillar of strength through a disaster. If I can survive that thing with Sis relatively whole, I can survive this.

So I think I need to write an essay on Observing Grief, for group tonight. I don't have enough coherent in me to work on anything lighter. And maybe I can re-work some of my "Love letters from a prickly bitch to a sarcastic bastard" to be something I can show in public. Maybe. Someday.
  • Current Music
    Seanan McGuire - Broken Hearts of Fire