March 8th, 2006

sad, greensad

Making the brain sane...

So far as be being stable was concerned, February well and truly bit. I managed to get out of it reasonably sane and definitely alive, though, so I'm feeling pretty good about being me. Skipping back just under three years, to June 2003 -- definite difference in the sanity. (I did find the 36" strap-on entry, which is what I was looking for.)

If anyone ever suggests that I co-parent with marxdarx again, I will look around for something appropriate to use as a blunt object. Of all the influences for the worse on my general sanity, my high school friendship with Shawn has to have been the worst, co-parenting with Marx the second worst, and any number of things including my previous encounter with the current workplace and my relationship with BJ tying for third place. (That's for steady grind-down. The three worst shocks are probably Terrible Tuesday in 1996, the Awful Realization of early 2005, and leaving CTY in 1995 without proper closure.)

St. John's Wort seems to be doing the trick of stabilizing me at something approaching human. I'm lucky in that it works as well as it does. I'm on 900mg/day at the moment, and I've been there for about a week; I'm going to try 600mg starting at the end of this next week, probably stay there for about a month, and then get back to 300mg/day where I've been doing well except when I go off it entirely.

I know it's been working, because I did this past Saturday at work on less than two hours of sleep. I'm lucky that I can walk to work. I was acting entirely too giddy and punchy at the end of the shift, and Comic Pirate Super was wondering if the contents of my water bottle would catch on fire if offered flame, but I was there and I was functional. Homie G Super didn't see any cracks in my professionalism at the beginning of the shift, even though I told him how much sleep I'd gotten and that I was exhausted. I evidently exude professionalism there.
  • Current Music
    "Leaving New York" (in my head)
running, bomb tech

Social! With a hairy workplace ethical dilemma!

Went over and watched Goblet of Fire and then the first Fruits Basket with trystan_laryssa and dustraven & company. It was mostly just us two girls watching the anime. We made cookie puffs. All hail the mighty cookie puff! We also discovered that the fryer takes exactly a quart of oil. Heh.

Dawn called! She's been terribly busy, and has been terribly sorry about it, and friends have been grumpy because friendships are not getting their scheduled maintenance time. It's a matter of higher-priority things increasing in timesuck, vs. the friendships being downgraded, but the effect of less quality time for friends is still there. She had Actors about her, with much hilarity and background noise. She has faith in my ability to slowly but surely win myself a place in the heart of a certain elusive Darkside.

The Figment showed. There's some scary stuff going down with a co-worker. All the supervisors have noticed, and we're none of us quite sure what to do. The office is asking the supervisory staff to be documenting what's going on, apparently, and presumably they'll be handling it according to their procedures, but I have this secondhand.

The stuff with the One-Man Bald Nudity Crusade was so over-the-top but yet relatively mild that it was hilarious, and the guy did not seem to be in any obvious distress except what you get when you act unpleasant to your co-workers and supervisors, you can't deal with technology, and you have poor job performance that you don't seem to be interested in improving. What's going on with this co-worker ... whatever it is, it needs professional attention and it has to be fucking scary to be this person at this time. I say this in my capacity as clergy.

In my capacity as an employee there, I'm similarly disturbed. Given that my desk at work is located where it is located, I also get to hear the supervisors who are running jobs talking to the shift ops super about general stuff unless they're making a special effort to be absolutely unheard by anyone but them. And that person's name came up within the last week, attached to a number of incidents that escalated in their "something's not right" vibe. It was all mild enough taken separately, but put together, I knew exactly what name to say when the Figment barged in to Movie Night saying that there was Something Up with a co-worker and he was Very Worried.

Where do you draw the line between professional confidentiality and human-to-human compassion? I think the line's already been crossed, thanks to Figment's input, and I have a few numbers I can call to get advice on what should be done from here.
  • Current Mood
    worried worried
pencil

This is ...spooky. (Brace yourselves. Ads on LJ?)

This hasn't hit news yet, but it has hit lj_biz. It's not exactly a done deal yet, but they're already coding for it. So now is the time to give feedback.


bradfitz a couple years ago: "OMGWTF NO ADS NO ADS NO ADS ADS BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD WRONG BAD!"
Users, friends, random strangers: "Um, chill, dude. Some people aren't the anti-ad Nazi you are."
bradfitz: "BUT I HATE ADS AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE THEM!!"
Users, friends, random strangers: *break out into wild babbling debate* "Dude. You're, like, the extreme end of the scale. Trust us."
bradfitz: "Really? Most people sort of tune out ads like I tune out other petty things that would annoy me if I really paid attention to them?"
Most People: "Yup. Plus we use things like AdBlock for the ones we can't ignore!"
bradfitz: "Well, holy crap. Plus, we are sort of running on fumes. But I personally still never want to see ads, ever!"
LJ Geeks: "I think we can do that."

bradfitz: *ahem* "OK, this is something that I had to say myself, instead of letting the people who are really good with words and PR say. We're getting towards broke. So. How 'bout a new ad-supported user level, with more features than free, but less than paid?" *disables comment e-mails*

Early Adopters: "What about the Early Adopters? (OMG FIRST COMMENT!!11!)"
Average LJ users: "OMG. You have got to be kidding us. Who replaced bradfitz with a pod person?"
Average Users of the Internet: "Guess it was kind of inevitable. Nice while it lasted, though." *coughwhorescough*

Paid Users: "At least we have more userpics features than the rest of you schmucks. And we don't have to look at your ads. Ha-ha. (OMG, please say we're still better than them. We are the elite! We have to be measurably better!)"
Free Users: "I'm too noble to whore myself out by putting ads in my journal, and too broke/young/cheapfrugal to get a paid account!"
Ad-Supported Users: "You don't understand. Nobody understands. When you're where we are, you've got to do what you've got to do to get extra userpics get extra features survive. ...Will that Christian bookstore whose ad banner I have now care if I post graphic pictures of tentacle rape in my journal? I know Ghastly kept losing sponsors... "
Random Ghastly Fan: "Um, he actually lost them over the 'Jesus having sex with his wife' comic, not the tentacle rape. (OMFG, what has become of LJ?)"
Permanent Users: "Still the prettiest!"

Paranoid Users: "Sellouts. This is just the first step to making EVERYBODY have to look at ads everywhere on the site! Next think it'll be pop-ups! And our firstborn!"
bradfitz: "This is the sound of me QUITTING LJ if that ever happens. Seriously. I still HATE ADS!!1!!"
Paranoid Users: "You quit LJ when you sold out to Six Apart. Traitor."
Cash-Strapped Users: "Um, can we put third-party ads in our journals now?"
LJ Abuse: "Third-party ads? Oh, fuck no. Brad, say it ain't so."
LJ Geeks: "Slow the hell down, guys. We're not even done designing all this yet. AIIIGH! FEATURE CREEP! FEATURE CREEP!"
Paranoid Users: "It's a slippery slope, and you're sliiiiiiiding!"
Average Users: "OK, explain this whole thing to us, with smaller words?"
ursamajor: "Look! A handy chart detailing who sees ads where!"

Random Trolls: *offensive images* "I love it. Way to go Braddy-boy!"
Average Users: "Why is it that LJ Abuse can banninate Evil Security Crackers and people who don't think they're breaking the rules but actually are, but can't kick this asshole the hell off the Internet?"
Random Trolls: "Ha ha you noticed me. I winz!"

New lj_ads staff: *braces for the comment storm and the mass defriending*
Support Volunteer: "Goat, green."
frank: "INCOMING!"
Support Volunteers: "Agghhhhh!"
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
phone, cordless phone

(no subject)

Late to writing group. Those summaries take about 2 hours to write up properly, between reading all the comments and [crafting the] humor.
phone, cordless phone

(no subject)

Very angry shredded lettuce. Corny jokes. Domestic self-abuse. I fell somewhere in the lettuce. Atlantis, you dingbat.
phone, cordless phone

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Why are you guys playing with my onions? I wasn't tailgating, but I did rear-end the person. My nose is a very powerful thing.
phone, cordless phone

(no subject)

Excerpts from writing group conversation. All sorts of crack. Linguistic debates over the remains of dinner. Reunite pangaea! [Gondwanaland didn't fit in the 130 characters, see.]