May 13th, 2007


Whee emo whinery ahead.

Having completely failed my "be a fucking grown-up" roll for Saturday, I'm going to bed.

Off to decent if late start -- dragged out late to do plasma, went to party after plasma. Party good. Party awesome, in fact. Bubble gun, pool, lots of people having fun -- it ruled. I was almost sorry to leave for RHPS, but azwriter at least would be devirginized, and I had made the commitment to be there.

I hadn't counted on freeway construction. I hadn't counted on leaving later than I'd planned to.

I didn't see any of the writers there when I got there. I waited around until time to let people in, looking. Then I got a refund for my ticket on the grounds that my party failed to show, and went back to the graduation party, where I'd been having fun.

Writers Group angst ensued. I said more things in chat than I'd really intended to, but I established to myself if no one else that I am just done. I love the people and the creative space we have created, but I cannot maintain the close bonding of the creative space with the all-inclusiveness that Fresh Start requires. It is not something that I can do. I can have one, but not the other. I want to keep the creative space we have created. (I don't know if I'd go back to a group that didn't have that. I don't think I could.) Fresh Start can't have as one of their groups a group that shuts people out. I can't run that group. It's not something I can do.

I can keep the group running for one, maybe two more weeks until we figure something out. I don't know if I'll be able to go back after that. I'm going to talk to Darkside sometime tomorrow, because he brings sanity.

Myrrh, e-mail (@yahoo or @lj) or call (602)xxx-xx42 tomorrow when you want to see about doing the IKEA thing. My text messages are down dead down nonfunctional fucked.


Darkside let me lie face-down on his bed feeling miserable for a while. I had to plonk his hand down on my head so he knew the most effective thing he could do, but after he got that figured out, he awkwardly stroked my hair and gave me good advice, then held my hand and cracked bad jokes at me until I giggled.

I needn't fear a future in which there is Darkside.
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