October 29th, 2007

running, bomb tech

A couple little things:

Work1 is having a holiday party. Darkside gets first dibs on "adult guest", given that he's Best Friend. Shall query closely on this.

Good day at work, enough so that the Blonde bragged about me (covertly, but I knew what she was up to) to the whole team. *grin* I'm enjoying that.

I am still waiting on some stuff; I will need confirmation on a thing before I get all zippy. Darkside and channel and the roommates and the grapevine know what I'm talking about. But. *fingercross*

Work2 happened. By Monday, I should be winding up with a company laptop to house and feed and connect remotely. Woo woo! There are things in the pull that vex me greatly, and lo! there shall be wrath spread about.

Things that delight: Hogfather is coming to town! November 25 showing on Ion. Management told me, and there were gasps of utter delight. When I am very happy, I grin with my whole face. Management is kindred. Not a slashgirl, I don't think, but I've mentioned the Very Secret Diaries to her, and shall have to link them.

Things that do not delight: was part of group of cars going through intersection. And then the light was yellow. I am pretty sure I was clear of it when the light went red. Another car behind me (in the other lane) was not clear. Flashity flashity flashity! I am still concerned.

A nice long warm bath is many kinds of love. One with a good book is better.

There was some unpacking/tidying/discovery of spilt molasses. eeee. DO NOT WANT. I mentioned the ant thing, right? eeee. eeee. eeee.
Order and Chaos, Escher

This is your brain.

So hcolleen and I were conversing in the car on our way back from work1, and the subject of ADHD and how they're considering including it in the autistic spectrum came up as a topic of discussion. And like all good conversations do, it wound around.

From hcolleen's background knowledge, and her observation of me, I present like a classic adult ADHD ... male.

*headdesk*

No, really. I have the scatterbrainedness. I have the hyperfocus. I have the wiggles. (She mentioned that females generally got socialized out of the wiggles. I got socialized out of them, but I'm trying to get back into the wiggling habit, because a degree of motion while I'm theoretically in one place is far better for me than just sitting still.) I'd started wondering if I had an undiagnosed and very mild bit of ADHD, or regular ADD, a while ago, but it never really got beyond wondering. I knew that I had unusual attention focus issues/capabilities, but it never really dawned on me that there was anything to it beyond me just being smart and easily bored/distracted if I wasn't completely into what I was trying to do.

I didn't think it was necessarily apparent to anyone else. Evidently it's glaring.

I have the ability to get drawn into a deep state of concentration on whatever it is that I'm doing, and completely lose track of time unless jolted out of that state. I have the massive multitasking, and sometimes being able to juggle it with minute control, and sometimes completely fucking losing it. I have the severe difficulty focusing when it's not something I have any desire to do, and slipping into doing something else and getting lost in it. I have the random anxiety problems exacerbating the issue when things get bad, and ... well, the depression is under control, and it's gone from being an anvil on a thread to being an anvil on a sturdy rope, but the anvil is still over my head, and I'm not Roadrunner.

It's not a diagnosis by any means, but ... it would make a lot of sense. I have to go wrap my head around the concept now.
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