*Note*: The BDSM mentioned in this journal follows the rules "Safe, Sane, and Consensual."
I happen to like a little spice of BDSM, but in general, I'm fairly vanilla. Vanilla with a strong hint of cinnamon, perhaps? But still, I'm identifiably vanilla, even though a pure vanilla would see me as being very cinnamonny. I like sex for sex, because I like sex, and sex is fun and good.
But then there are those who like BDSM for BDSM, because it is good and what is liked. Sex could be taken or left, depending on context.
Not good or bad, just not mainstream. And it's hard to reconcile when you have someone who is vanilla with a hint of cinnamon trying to have a relationship with someone who prefers cinnamon, and can take or leave the vanilla, especially while the vanilla prefers vanilla herself...
How does the person who likes the BDSM find someone who's interested in BDSM, but not sex? How does the love for BDSM to the exclusion of other things, where the other things are not missed, get reconciled against the ingrained value that "Liking sex is good"?