Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic
azurelunatic

Love letters, unsent

My dearest friend,

I hope you are amused by my latest choice of reading material. Left to my own devices, gods know what I'd be reading. I'm taking up Dragonlance at your recommendation, and I'm finding it all right, though quite substandard to the quality I'm used to. Lovely characters, but I'm used to subtlety, something that gamerboys sometimes lack, just a little. (Okay, so Raistlin is usually pretty subtle; I've gotten a liking for Raistlin because he, crotchety and with few friends, reminds me of someone I know, only the someone I know is proving himself far more gentle -- but then, Raistlin is gentle to Bupu, and I'm perhaps something approaching as loyal as she is.)

I miss you, dearest, every day. I'm strong enough now so that I probably could successfully kill the love I hold for you that binds us together, without crippling myself, but I wouldn't want to lose the friendship, and I don't think you'd want to lose me, either. It feels so tenuous, because I know the only reason it's there is because we both want it, we both maintain it, even though you don't say much about it.

It's been nearly three years. We've now established, that whatever my flaws, I'm not one of the ones who runs away. Nor am I one of the ones who forgets, nor am I one of the ones who doesn't care about your feelings. I remember when I hurt you as well as I remember when you hurt me. I want to know you, as weird as that may be; I want to understand you, to know why and how you do and say as you do. Odd that my thing with Mr. Shallow was what brought me to the conclusion that I finally came to.

You talk lightly around what seems to be a theme of replacement. Know, beloved friend, that the only way you and your place in my heart would ever be supplanted would be if we both willed it so. I have other friends. I crush on other people. I even have other relationships. This does not, cannot, diminish my love for you. Have they proven themselves to me through the years? Have I devoted myself as singlemindedly to developing the friendship with them as I have with you? Our friendship is secure enough I spend time with them, care for them, perhaps even love, but that does not diminish our bond. In all time, of all worlds, I still choose you.

Perhaps this will never progress past the mind's love, the soul's love. I may be irritated by this, but I would still choose to be partnered with you.

I remain,
your Lunatic
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