When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard (or battle ax) who made you sad.
When you are blue... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile... I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick... stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge 'til the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend!
Send this poem to ten of your closest friends. Then get depressed because you realize you only have 2 friends, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway.
P.S. A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.
...though I will do most of the above for many people on my friends list, there are some people I'll do all of this for and more.
Darkside, this is you. Votania, this is you. Neighbor, this is you. Alan, this is you. Adam, this is you. My dear baby sister and River, this is both of you. godai, sixftblndbmbshl, jdllama, you too, even though I've never met any of you... Shawn... although you ripped me a new one before you were through with me... I'll still meet you at the U any day with a duct-tape sword and have at it ... and afterwards I'll listen to you, just like I always did.