Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic


Gemini Horoscope for week of November 27, 2003

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
As your mating season gets into full swing, I suggest you browse through a book called Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation, by evolutionary biologist Olivia Judson. Your mind may be blown wide open as you learn how experimental some animals are in their approach to sex. You'll read, for example, about dolphins that try to copulate with turtles and seals, orangutans that masturbate with sex toys made of leaves and twigs, female chimpanzees that average ten trysts a day with numerous lovers, homosexual romps among manatees, and female seahorses that impregnate their male partners. I'm hoping that by expanding your definition of what's "natural," you'll lose any shame you might still have about your own harmless though exotic erotic tastes.

So. If Harry were a seahorse animagus, that would be a logical way to get mpreg?

Cancer Horoscope for week of November 27, 2003

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
This horoscope has been scientifically formulated to raise your spontaneity levels and condition you to thrive on the unexpected. Do not attempt to use logic to understand it. Like a Zen koan, it is meant to give your non-rational mind a workout, thereby preparing you for what cannot be prepared for. Here goes. Find meaning in runaway shopping carts and flaming marshmallows. Seek silk and cashmere interventions in the midst of a secret test. Drum up feral breakfast conundrums with wicked, lickable angels. Welcome violins and snakes at the heart of the cool mistake. Scribble treasure maps on naked promises. Search for messages from the future in the warm glow of yesterday's shock.

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