Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

I did not eat the doughnut.

I do not, just do not get the whole Krispy Kreme phenomenon.

First, it's misspelled. Things that are misspelled that I am not already fond of give me the grumps and the pfffts. Yes, that's their name. No, the words in their name are not real words.

Second. They're not even good doughnuts. They're kind of hard and crusty, and I prefer my doughnuts relatively soft. I like to be able to eat doughnuts if I get a big ol' box of unfresh-at-the-end-of-the-day ones. Krispy Kreme doughnuts feel as if they could be used as hockey pucks or lethal weapons at the end of the day.

Third. I have this aversion to mass-produced shit, and I have a liking for doughnuts that are a little more individual-looking. Krispy Kremes look like the Barbie dolls of the doughnut world, only with less eye makeup. The frosted ones have precisely placed circles of frosting. This is creepy the way that the scene in A Wrinkle in Time (I think?) with the children playing the exact same game in the exact same way was. (That was the scene that made me put down the book because it was too scary.)

Fourth. The name disgusts me. This is apart from the spelling, which is nauseating in its own right. I do not think of doughnuts as being either crispy or creamy, unless it's a Bismark, in which case a certain amount of cream is a given. My mental image next jumps to dry, crusty underwear and the sort of sock that should be picked up while wearing gloves and holding one of those long trash-pick-up-sticks. Neither of those images are particularly appetizing.

Granted, I've never had a hot, fresh Krispy Kreme doughnut. I have been told that people did not get what the whole Krispy Kreme experience was all about until they had one hot and fresh, and that it is inconceivable that I would not get it after I'd had one. I've also come to the realization that when I am indifferent about something, I can be swayed, but when I already think badly of something, I am far less likely to be convinced that it's awesome.

[edit: you can discern my current mental state by the fact that I just coded an LJ cut wrong, and tried to close an italics tag with </a>.]

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