Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

Ways to Irritate your Top (BDSM humor, not filtered)

Snagged this one from manifestress, who got it from rubberella, who got it who knows where.

Author Unknown

During wax play, sing "Happy Birthday to Me " and blow out the candle.

In the middle of an intense flogging, close your eyes and snore.

Using your best Howard Cosell impression, give a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.

When ordered "Look me in the eyes!" do it cross-eyed.

During a public verbal humiliation scene, stick your fingers in your ears and say, "Nyah, nyah, I can't hear you!"

Decorate your Top's leathers with neon polka dots and stripes.

Put a whoopee cushion in your Top's chair.

"Just say, 'No.'"

Use the toybag for dirty laundry. Forget to switch the contents before the next play party.

Stick an Alka-seltzer in your mouth at the start of a scene. Work up a good foam, and call out your safe word.

Sing while being cropped.

Speak a language your Top doesn't know.

Giggle incessantly.

Tell your Top you can't count because your hands are tied up and you can't see your fingers.

Take messages for your Top by writing them on post-its and sticking them on your rear.

Superglue the nipple clamps shut.

Attach "clappers" to all the lights in the dungeon just before a paddling.

I'd be kind of charmed by the post-it-notes on rear thing, myself.

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