His ex hurt him very badly.
I have observed that Adam's customary good judgment is impaired when speaking of his ex, and his mental state when interacting with her online is even less stable. (I'm not talking about what he says to her; he's very careful about that; I'm talking about what's actually going on in that brain of his.)
I have had experiences with people who I loved very much who totally fucked with my head. Shawn, anyone?
I trust Adam to have good judgment about what's good for him with any woman except his ex. I trust Adam to have good judgment about what's good for me, and for us as a relationship (friendship with benefits) when he has good judgment about what's good for him.
I do not trust his ex to not take advantage in some way of his mental state when dealing with her.
I have never met his ex. He has described his ex to me frequently. His descriptions of her depended on his mental state, but I did not get the impression of someone who cared about what was best for him before she cared about what was best or most convenient for her.
From three months of interacting with Adam and watching his interactions with his ex, I think that she would be an excellent person for him to be friends with, just as Shawn was an excellent friend to me.
How do I say it nicely? She used him, broke his heart, didn't speak to him for four months, and now she's sorry and she knows she was wrong and has had a complete change of heart?
Has anyone else lived out in the real world?
Shawn pulled this same fucking bullshit with me. I can't remember how many times he was sorry and he cared about me and I deserved someone better than him and we were best friends again and ... and it happened all over again.
That's not the worst of it.
I have no proof. Nothing solid but past behavior and suspicions and this gut feeling that tells me the woman is bad news.
You can't go on gut feelings in the real world. Votania calls it the psychic psycho-radar. Psychos show up on it like deep black pits, heat-sinks of evil. After you've started developing your non-standard senses, you get to know who's going to be all right and who you need to watch out for. I pinged Adam as an okay person the first day we started really talking; that's how he ended up in my pants so fast. The Satanist at work pings as an okay person, astonishingly enough. You get so you can tell who's a practitioner and who's not. It's the gut-feeling, honed and used on a daily basis.
That Woman does not feel good on the psychic radar. Nor does Grandma, or Great-Grandma. Votania feels dangerous, but the variety of dangerous that won't hurt me. Votania's Dave ... I avoid looking at him. D.C. pings LETHAL to most people, especially non-practitioners, but I never get that off her ... maybe because I don't piss her off, I give her the respect and space that she needs. (That's why I get along so well with Votania ... Votania's much like D.C., only grown up and a lot mellower, so I got along with her this well at first meeting.) River pings nice. BJ does not ping nice now. He used to. Neighbor pinged out as a brother right when I met him. He turned into that indeed. Dawn and I were immediate friends, after I ascertained that she had no romantic plans with Darkside. ...I could go on....
I've learned to trust the psychic radar, within reason. I don't call the police when I see someone walking around who looks like a cloud of evil; I do avoid interacting with them. I don't immediately invite someone who pings out nice to move in with me. Trust your senses, Votania and Alan keep saying, so I try to listen to what they're saying.
My senses say that Adam's going to want to get back together with his ex, and my senses also say that his judgment where she is concerned is full of holes, and my senses also say that she is the sort of person who will exploit the holes in his judgment and really, severely, mess him up psychologically more than he already is over her.
I may be totally off-base.
I just remember what she already did to him, and I remember what Shawn did to me, and my senses are screaming at me that I shouldn't let what happened to me happen to him. I have no details, but my senses tell me it's going to be bad.
...first iroshi noticed it, that there was something fishy about the situation, and then my friend Jason at work noticed. Neither of them know particularly much about the situation; both of them have very active psychic radars. They're pinging something nasty going on here too.
Even Neighbor has noticed that something's not quite right, and that takes a lot of doing.
We'll see how it goes.