Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic
azurelunatic

Bizarre Love Triangle

This song holds me together.
Bizarre Love Triangle, New Order

Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It’s no problem of mine
But it’s a problem I find
Living a life that I can’t leave behind
But there’s no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won’t set you free
But that’s the way that it goes
And it’s what nobody knows
Well every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I’m waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can’t say

I feel fine and I feel good
I’m feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don’t know what to say
Why can’t we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I’m not sure what this could mean
I don’t think you’re what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I’ll never see just what we’re meant to be

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I’m waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can’t say
It's held me together since 2001. I'm still waiting. It's been ... it's been bloody his move since I declared myself. He's made his move, or lack thereof. I'm delusional. I must be. Goddamn brick wall. Az will be disappointed with me. Ever since June, I've been trying to stay more in my own head. We've had proof that I can't read him as well as I think I should be able to; he tempers his body language for me, so I've got to learn to read him restrained as well as I am able to read him unrestrained.

Though I appreciate it that the man wants to not hurt me. I really do. Sometimes I wish he'd restrain himself a little less on some of the things he knows are going to hurt me but need to be said, and restrain himself a little more on the things he thinks are funny and harmless.

Which I probably need to say to him. Which requires spending enough time in his company to warm up enough to say Scary Relationship Discussy Things, even though it's just a somewhat convoluted friendship.
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