Gemini Horoscope for week of January 15, 2004I'd like some weight loss, with a side of career, or at least money with work at what I love, and a lot of happiness. And maybe some sex. Definitely time with friends.
My survey of New Year's resolutions by Geminis reveals some surprising trends. Twenty-one percent of you have vowed to lose weight in 2004, but 26 percent of you hope to gain weight. Thirty-six percent of you plan to launch a new hobby, whereas 58 percent want to get rid of one of your hobbies so as to have more time for the others. While 31 percent of you are plotting to supercharge your ambitions or career, 42 percent of you are quite sure you want to work less and cultivate more leisure and luxury. Finally, 16 percent of you want more "espresso sex" -- quickies with casual acquaintances -- while 69 percent have your hearts set on deep, slow, cozy love-making with emotionally intelligent partners who crave cuddling.
Cancer Horoscope for week of January 15, 2004Hopefully it doesn't involve Shrimpy.
The "Weekly World News" reports that U.S. President George W. Bush, the world's most famous Cancer, plans to invade the moon and declare it the 51st state. To fill the office of the moon's live-in governor, Bush intends to appoint his former foe Al Gore, who garnered 540,520 more votes than the President in the election of 2000. In the weeks ahead, I urge you Crabs to come up with an equally nutty and brilliant strategy as you expand your empire to exotic new locales and shake off old adversaries.