Ex: Kermit. Relationship: Dated in the 6th grade (we were both 11 or 12 or so). Class couple. Cutest thing on earth. Screaming breakup fight over phone; regained friendship some months later. Status: Sometimes we chat on IM.
Ex: Bugs Potter. Relationship: He tried to set me up with his good buddy Anakin. Setup failed miserably. He and I made out from time to time. Broke up via postcard from CTY (academic summer camp). Status: We don't talk. We might get along if we did. We don't. This is quite a bit because we don't really have mutual friends anymore, or at least not that we're both in frequent contact with.
Ex: Anakin. Relationship: We were both 14-ish, freshmen in high school. I was the creepy stalker chick. He wasn't interested. Status: He moved. No contact.
Ex: pyrogenic. Relationship: Friends. I had the biggest crush (unrequited) on him. He thought it was cute. Status: LJ friends, AIM, occasional phone calls.
Ex: the Lady E. Relationship: Girlfriends, and then fiancees. We were going to get married after college. Fell through thanks to age (14, 15) and distance (Alaska, Pennsylvania), and Shawn (idiot, psychodrama). Status: We chat on AIM from time to time.
Ex: "Romeo" aka Josh-the-Twit. Relationship: Dated for 4 days or so. Broke up. Made out passionately for a few months afterwards. Status: Talked from time to time until I moved out of state. He knows onyxrising.
Ex: Shawn. Relationship: I loved him, he fucked me. Dysfunctional, excessively so, compounded by the fact that he's an idiot. Status: I'm talking to him now on IM. We're friendly again, after quite some time of 'barely civil'. We'll never be close.
Ex: Queenie. Relationship: Girlfriends. Remained friends and confidantes after mutually amicable parting. Status: We don't talk anymore, sadly, as she's gone from liberal through mainstream into conservative (religiously and sexually, and probably politically as well).
Ex: Assorted College Fuckbuddies. Relationship: Not much of one. Status: Different states. No real reason to talk with. Some of them are more mockworthy than others.
Ex: River. Relationship: Caught me on the rebound from Shawn. Saved me from nasty depression. Broke up with him because of relationship with BJ forming. Status: He was claimed by my little sister; they later broke up. He's not Mr. Communication, and we don't have each other's numbers. I'd like to chat with him, though, and he obviously remembers me fondly, as he was raving to a mutual friend about how spectacular I am in bed.
Ex: BJ. Relationship: We were Ultimate Soulmates, and I relocated to Arizona to be with him. We considered ourselves married; doing the paperwork would just be a formality. I didn't trust him, and turned into a whining, sniping bitch in his company. Broke up with him within a year. Status: The breakup started out friendly, but rapidly turned antagonistic as I became more aware of what he was up to, and how very much I hated his effect on me. He's become the creepy stalker-type now.
Ex: godai. Relationship: Very hot online affair. Faded out naturally. Status: Still friends, just the kind that only occasionally bump into each other online.
Ex: Dave-in-Germany. Relationship: Mutual crush at ages 16/20 in fencing class; progressed to online affair at ages 20/24. Fizzled due to lack of time/other preoccupations/him being offline due to military stuff. Status: Haven't talked to him in about a year; hope he's OK.
Ex: Nick. Relationship: We dated twice, for less than thirty seconds each time, in the span of ten minutes or so, because he wanted a chance to use the breakup line "I can't keep living this lie. I'm married to the sea!" and another, less memorable one. One of those fun guys around school/work. Status: He graduated; we don't e-mail.
Ex: digitalambience. Relationship: He was my boy-toy for a while. Torrid, steamy, hot, dramatic -- with no future. Official breakup happened several times. Finally called all the playing w/o relationship-thing off because Darkside was getting grumped with me. Status: We still chat when we bump into each other. He's engaged now.
Ex: Rana. Relationship: Some very hot physical experimentation. Good friendship. Left romance out of it (and mutually glad we did). Ended when he found his soulmate (see previous note on lack of romance). Status: Glad we left romance out of it. We are still on good terms.
Ex: Mr. Shallow. Relationship: A few very hot makeout sessions. Status: Never happening again, and I mayn't blab details (such as his Secret Identity) to Darkside. Friendship is still on the level it's always been on.
Ex: Yakky. Relationship: Dated for a few months. Physical. Actual attempts at romantic gestures sort of slid past my preoccupations. Broke up when I realized how very nowhere it was going. Status: Not currently speaking over a trust issue separate from the former romance.
And that's it for the exes. Hope I didn't forget anybody.