Why do Witches summon the four elements? Because it takes too long to summon Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium, Boron...
What's the best thing about having Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa!
A truly wise person never plays leapfrog with a unicorn
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile way and barefoot
Being a model means wearing clothes and not eating. I'd rather eat and not wear clothes.
The other day a Glaxo rep told me of a drug that her company has under development. This drug sounds so promising that I want to suggest to my friends that they consider buying stock in the company. The drug is called Gingko Viagra, and its function is to help you remember what the fuck you are doing.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?"I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
What's the difference between a Witch and a Jehovah's Witness? Three Watchtowers