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What would I trade for my heart's desire?

Not quite a year ago, wibbble asked me:
If anything were possible, what would you most like to do/be/happen? What price would you be willing to pay for this?
And I answered:

"The one thing I couldn't trade for my heart's desire was my heart itself."

I would like, more than I would like anything else, for Darkside to acknowledge of his own free will how deeply he cares for me, and I would like that deep caring to grow into the romantic variety of love, and I would like to marry him and start a family.

I could not trade possessions or money for this. I would, will, trade my right to complete independence for the responsibility to remain with him in a binding of mutual love, respect, and support. I would trade my hope of finding someone better-suited for the surety of knowing that best-suited or no, we're doing our best, determined to make it work. I would trade complete control of my environment for compromise and occasional discomfort. I would trade sole use of my computer for sharing, in perfect love and perfect trust. I would, if it came to it, trade DSL for a dial-up, financial stability for uncertainty. I would trade polite distance for the occasional TMI about bodily functions. (Though there's been a bit of that already...) I would trade loving all of my relatives for coming to terms with the fact that my father-in-law is a bit of a prick, and my husband can share some of those same qualities. I would trade near-complete privacy and being able to set my own hours for sharing a room, and a bed, and zonking out early so as to not keep him awake. I would trade only seeing him at his best to seeing him at his very worst, when he comes home tired and unhappy. I would trade my childless status for... the unknown.

I would trade who I was for who we both know I can be. And I don't think I'd regret it.

My answer still stands. Those are the things that I am willing to trade, that I can trade. That's what lies behind my quiet certainty.
Gone away, gone ahead,
Echoes roll unanswered.
Empty, open, dusty, dead.
Why have all the Weyrfolk fled?

Where have dragons gone together
Leaving weyrs to wind and weather,
Setting herdbeasts free of tether;
Gone, our safeguards, gone, but whither?

Have they flown to some new weyr
Where cruel Threads some others fear?
Are they worlds away from here?
Why, oh why the empty weyr?

-- "The Question Song", Anne McCaffrey
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