cc: Asshat who violated my data several years ago, Raven, Cthulhu, the entirety of the Lunatic's readers
Consider this petition for action upon this asshat. If it is, in Your judgement, no less than he deserves to balance out a small fraction of the nasty things he's done to others over the years, including setting certain files on my former installation of my OS to hidden when he cracked into my computer without my permission, then please, do take these humble suggestions into consideration when visiting Your love and tender mercies upon this man. He may actually be a devotee of Yours, and I have reason to believe that in addition to being a stupid black hat cracker, he is also a liar and an oathbreaker. That may even be the tip of the iceberg, but as this is a public prayer, we're not going there. (Deities: see attached list of outrages, in standard prayer format.)
May many obscure failures to compile and run-time errors haunt his programs. May his important files be overwritten with binary zeroes. May all the trolls at Something Awful find him in person, mock him, strip him naked on live webcam, and remove his genital hair with duct tape and lighters. May he come to resemble the goatse man, without benefit of lubrication. May You, Eris, goddess of chaos and discord, eat his hard drive, Raven steal his removable media, and Cthulhu shit in his backups. May his daughter color on his important printouts, and may his mother throw out his original media and licensing codes. May all of his penguins go belly-up, all of his Apples be wormy, and may Microsoft stalk him to the ends of his days. May he be remembered not as t3h ev0l haxx0r but as "that bloody worthless arrogant sod of a fucking screwup".
Azure the Lunatic