Azure Jane Lunatic (azurelunatic) wrote,
Azure Jane Lunatic

Boyfriend (or not)

azwriter has declared that since I've been Invited To The Family Holiday, that Darkside's as good as a boyfriend, and they'll start referring to him as that for convenience's sake.

As far as I'm concerned, Darkside shan't be my boyfriend unless he declares that he is my boyfriend of his own free will.

This is something I dare not leave to ambiguity and assumption.

Darkside's been my best friend for years. It's hard for me to emotionally comprehend that there was a time before I knew him, even though there's always the lurching, lurking terror that someday the man will lose himself so far that no one will ever be able to find him again. The friendship is based on mutual liking, and trust. ("Like" is for salads. Nevertheless...) I know his relationship history. He has been the comforting shoulder and the one to wipe my tears away and tell me everything is going to be all right for the past four years of my relationship history -- and he was the one who stayed up until all hours holding me while I cried away the terrors of 1996, he was the one who made sure that the permissions I'd given were taken back again, and he was the one who un-did the curse of my relationship with BJ. Anyone who thinks that my relationships are unduly tumultuous now would probably not want to contemplate how they were before 2003.

Through trial and error, we've worked out where we draw the lines. Any two people getting this close to each other had probably better either be married or have very, very good boundaries. He and I aren't married. This is one of the lines we don't cross. We're best friends. I love him. He cares for me more than he often expresses. But we're not dating.

Even though more and more signs are starting to point toward "he likes me likes me" than "he likes me not", we won't be dating until he says we are.

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